Okay, I know I’m on dangerous ground here, so be nice to me! ;-)

My intention here is not to dismiss feelings or say they are invalid. However, we can feel things that are not true, and if we base what we believe on such feelings we end up with all kinds of problems.

When Emotions Are Treated As Facts

I might feel betrayed by my wife, but that does not mean she has betrayed me. I might feel dismissed or ignored by her when she had no intention of doing those things. I might feel she can’t be trusted when in reality she has done nothing untrustworthy. 

This gets even worse when we play the if-then game If she said ABC, then that means she thinks XYZ. Because she did QRS I know she is LMN. Sometimes our if-then guesses are right, but far too often they are somewhere between a bit off and 100% wrong. When we get it wrong it’s because the other person does not think, feel, and process as we do. What seems like an obvious logical progression to us is not how their mind works. Some of these are due to a difference in how men and women think, while others are about differences in personality, culture, or family background. Sex-based differences tend to be especially bad because our same sex friends agree with us.

So, the next time you and your husband are at odds and he says ABC does not mean XYZ, give him the benefit of the doubt. What seems like a straight line to you may not be a line at all for him.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve learned assumptions cause all kinds of marital problems. 

More or Less Related Post: My friend J, of Hot, Holy & Humorous recently posted When “I Feel…” Statements Don’t Work

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Poke Means I Love You

March 20, 2017

When our son was a teenager he would walk by Lori or me and poke us. It was his way of saying he loved us. We took to poking him, and each other, and it became a bit of a game. Some men are far more comfortable expressing their feelings with actions than with words. […]

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Hair or Bare, Why Does He Care?

March 17, 2017

One of the common “sex fights” in marriages, is over pubic hair. Specifically, his desire for her to have little or none of the stuff. There are all kinds of issues here, including her comfort. But let’s bypass all that and get to the real problem for some women: she thinks he wants her to […]

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Being Honest About How Porn Makes You Feel

March 15, 2017

How does pornography make you feel? How does your husband looking at pornography make you feel? I got to thinking about this last week when I wrote Time to Be Honest About How Sexual Refusal Feels over on The Generous Husband. If my wife chose to masturbate to porn rather than have sex with me, […]

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Be The One to Open The Door

March 13, 2017

I’m convinced many divorces could have been avoided if one spouse had set aside their pride months or years earlier. Small problems pile up because of pride. Little things become big things because of pride. Early on both spouses want to change, but pride keeps them from doing what needs to be done. In my […]

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Afternoon Delight? Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That! 

March 10, 2017

A year ago December there was a flurry of articles advocating having sex at 3 pm. This was caused by comments made by Alisa Vitti, author of WomanCode: Perfect Your Cycle, Amplify Your Fertility, Supercharge Your Sex Drive, and Become a Power Source. Vitti said male and female hormonal fluctuations made 3 pm the perfect […]

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Husband Dear, Follow Me In My Sin

March 8, 2017

A couple of weeks back I pointed the men over on The Generous Husband to Gary Thomas’ excellent post The Worst Betrayal of Marriage and warned them not to let their “secret sins” spill over and hurt their wives. But this works both ways; plenty of women have led their husbands into sin. The Bible […]

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Why He Hears Criticism When You Don’t Mean It

March 6, 2017

Does your husband complain you’re overly critical while you don’t feel you are being critical? Or maybe he says you nag too much (or uses a less polite word) and you honestly don’t see it. I think part of this is a gender difference. She wants to discuss what she sees as a couple’s issue, but […]

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