Searching for images for our blog posts can be interesting, instructive, and sometimes discouraging. Certain  ideas just don’t get covered while there are thousands of images for other ideas. We also see places where there are gender-based double standards.  

I had this happen when I was looking for an image for Monday’s 3 Ways an Apology Can Go Wrong. I wanted a picture of a woman making an apology to a man. After several search terms and dozens of pages, I gave up. Had I wanted the reverse, a man apologising to a woman, I would have had a great many images from which to choose.

Does Our Culture Think Only Husbands Need to Apologise?

Most of the images of men apologising were like the one above – the man begging and the women acting as if it’s not enough or what he did was so bad he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. The message I got was men are horrible scum and women do them an unmerited favour by just being around them. 

Is this what our culture teaches us? Do we see men as relationally inept and hopeless? Are women so much better at relationships they’re doomed to be forever disappointed and endlessly offended?

Lest you think this is just me, or just a male thing, after scheduling this post but before I wrote it, I came across The two most dangerous assumptions women make about relationships by Shaunti Feldhahn. I don’t think all women are guilty of what she talks about, but I’ve certainly seen it and I could point to marriages hurt or destroyed by the wrong assumptions Shaunti warns about.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and sometimes men get the short end of double standards.

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3 Ways an Apology Can Go Wrong

October 17, 2016

Apologies should be a common thing in a marriage. But not all apologies are helpful. Three common ways an apology can go wrong: Blame is dangerous even if what you say is valid. If you’re completely innocent pointing to the guilty party may be okay. If you have any wrong in a matter, owning your […]

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Sex and the Stressed or Depressed Husband

October 14, 2016

Last month, Darby Dugger wrote an excellent post about the do’s and don’ts of dealing with a stressed husband. One thing she didn’t address was how to approach sex when your husband is stressed. So I thought I’d address that here. This will also apply to minor depression or feeling defeated, such as getting fired or […]

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Why “Don’t You Agree” Can Be A Trap

October 12, 2016

Have you ever said “Don’t you agree?” to your husband? While this can seem innocent enough, it’s not. This is seeking a yes or no answer for what may be a complex multi-issue thing. For example: “I think we should stay home this Christmas because the kids get cranky when we travel and your family […]

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Can You Communicate Your Feelings to Him?

October 10, 2016

If you can’t communicate what you think and feel to your husband, how can you expect him to understand you? If he doesn’t understand you, how can he support you, help you, or love you well? Gender speak is a factor here, of course. Sometimes you say something in a way most women would understand and […]

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Strip to the Ankles for Better Sex

October 7, 2016

Back in 2005, some researchers in the Netherlands stumbled on an interesting thing. In a cool setting, wearing socks increases a woman’s odds of reaching orgasm by more than 50%. Sex Socks Any warm pair of socks will work for this, but why not go one better and get a pair of nice socks just […]

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Was Your Husband Sexually Assaulted This Week?

October 5, 2016

I suspect your answer to that question is a fast no. After you read this post you may be less sure. In part, this post is a result of a comment “B” made a while ago that included “I’ve often wondered this, if good men are secretly thrilled that all of that eye candy is […]

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Do You Have Marriage Toxic Friends?

October 3, 2016

Do you have friends who are bad for your marriage? It could be the never married friend who has a very low opinion of men, or the divorced friend who thinks all men are horrible, or the friend in a bad marriage who assumes every other woman has it just as bad but won’t admit […]

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