My beautiful wife started it with Stop the Tape. I followed up with Why I Mopped The Kitchen Floor Today. Then Chris, aka The Forgiven Wife, jumped in with A Place Deep Inside – an excellent post I highly recommend. In that post, Chris nailed it when she said:
“I want to know that he loves me and values me in a way that matters to me.”
This is really what we all want from our spouse – to be shown in way we understand that we are loved and valued. If you can give that to your spouse, they will be very happy, and very willing to do what makes you happy. The challenge then is knowing what combination of acts and words accomplish this goal for our spouse.
What makes this difficult is that our spouse probably does not know what would make them feel really loved and valued. Our past has skewed our understanding, and our fears keep us from admitting to ourselves what we most need. We end up “protecting ourselves” – which means being closed, making it difficult to impossible to figure out what would bless us. What a mess.
Over on The Generous Husband I have been challenging men to do the 2014 Marriage Upgrade. The goal is for them to focus on being more loving, more giving, and more generous. The entire year is about being a better husband, regardless of what their wife does. On the 1st of January, I am going to tell them one of their primary tasks is to figuring out how they can make their wife feel loved and valued.
If you want to make your husband feel better about you and your marriage, figure out what will make him feel loved and valued. You can also help him out by trying to figure out what would make you feel loved and valued and communicating those things to him simply and clearly.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and XX half of the population confuses me on occasion.