Over on The Generous Husband I’m doing a four part series on “What Women Want”. I said the four most important things are:
- To be heard
- To be understood
- To be accepted
- To be respected
I have had, as expected, some additional suggestions from women. My thinking is a man doing those well will know what else is important to his wife.
One of the suggestions was to add security. This ties in nicely with my Monday post here – Are You (Still) Waiting for Him to Grow Up? A woman’s brain is wired to care a great deal about safety and security, while a man’s brain is wired for risk and adventure – especially when he is young.
While this difference can leads to problems, and a good deal of frustration or stress for wives, his wiring is not bad. Without the male drive to explore, conquer, and take risks, I think humanity would all be living in one small corner of the world. The inventions that make our lives better are a result of the drive to explore and try new things. The expansion of God’s Kingdom through missionary work is another good result of how men are wired. I am not saying women would never do any of these things, but male drive and willingness to risk is a big part of such things.
Women on the other hand offer sanity and some limits on craziness. Auto insurance rates for men go down when they get married because statistics show men become safer drivers when they wed. Marriage balances his risk taking somewhat, making him safer while still having a drive to do and accomplish things.
Working together husband and wife make a good team, each balancing the other in an important way. But what do you do when you feel he is not hearing you and is taking too much risk or is not serious enough about planning and saving for the future?
Start by looking at yourself. Have you allowed him to modify your default settings? Or, are you trying to get him to think and act exactly as you always have? It is easy to react to his natural risk taking by moving away from any risk. Likewise with him, he may react to what he sees as excessive caution by taking more risks.
Work to advocate a true balance; more risk than you would take, more caution that he would use. Keep aiming for that balance even if he does not move at first.
I would also try to explain to him how too much risk makes you feel. If he understands the negative ways risk affects you, he might figure out he could benefit from not pushing the envelope as much.