I think we all have a desire to be fully known and fully accepted by at least one person. We also have a fear of being rejected for who we are. This creates tension in all our relationships, and especially in our marriages.
It can feel like we are rolling the dice each time we reveal another part of ourselves. Is this too weird? Will he misinterpret what I am saying? If he does not like what I show him, what will it cost me?
I wish I could tell you the risk is all in your head, but it may not be. Still, I advise you to push forward, with appropriate caution. The better you and your husband know each other, the better your marriage will be. You will feel closer and enjoy being together more. Additionally, other people will be less of a temptation.
A few thoughts on how to proceed:
- If you feel the need to reveal yourself one layer at a time, avoid lying or giving the wrong impression – it will cause problems later.
- Encouraging him to share all of himself – but only if you have the ability to react with love and grace.
- Accepting what he shares about himself in a loving way will encourage him to do the same with you.
- I am not suggesting you should ignore sin. If something is past sin, do not treat is as if it is current. If it is current sin, speak the truth with love and grace.
- Be aware of his injuries and weak places. Do not share anything that might cause him to stumble. There may be things that will be difficult for him no matter when or how you share them – pray about how to discuss those.
- Sexuality is a fearful area for most men. They worry fully sharing their sexual thoughts and feelings will cause their wife to hate them or be unwilling to have sex. If you have sexual thoughts, feelings, or desires you have not shared, doing so will help prime the pump.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I love that my wife knows me fully!