A couple weeks ago, I asked you ladies what you want your husbands to know. (You can still add your thoughts.) I also asked the gentlemen over on The Generous Husband what they wanted their wives to know. This is an overview of what the men said.
You can read the raw results here – be aware I have not edited this. As you read this you see the hearts of real men. You see their pain and their selfishness. You see hints of their sins and the sins of their wives. You find two men seemingly asking for opposite things. The value of a survey like this comes from the common themes.
It is no surprise 82% of the men mentioned sex. However, several other things were mentioned often enough to stand out:
- Men need affirmation. (I mentioned this last week in Compliments are Gold)
- We want you to understand us.
- Respect is critical.
- We want non-sexual touch. (In a survey I did last year 44% of men said their marriage needed more non-sexual touch.) However, if there has not been enough sex, any touch will get us going sexually.
- We do not like competing with your electronics for your attention.
- When we say we like you, what you do, and how you look, please believe us!
The non-sexual comments are nicely summed up by these two examples:
- We need to be affirmed regularly. We want to be wanted. We want touch.
- You are amazing. And you are beautiful. And it’s a crying shame you don’t believe me when I tell you.
A few sexual threads stood out:
- Please educate us! We want to please you, but we do not know how.
- Learn to entice us. Flirt, wear something sexy, be naked.
- We want you to initiate sex more often, and plan a sexy surprise on occasion.
- Get over your body image hang-ups – you look great to us.
- Oral sex is a big deal to many men (12% mentioned this specifically).
- Our strong sex drive is real and we cannot ignore it. This does not make us bad or selfish. (See Why Sex is Such a Big Deal to Him)
- We need to feel sexually desired by our wives.
These two sum up the sexual comments:
- How important frequent, healthy sexual intimacy is for a husband. It is a primary way many of us feel loved and valued. There is not something wrong with a husband for desiring sex with his wife.
- I wish you would make me feel like you value being intimate with me.
I have covered a few of these in the past, and I will discuss most of the rest in the future.
~ Paul – I’m XY and none of the men’s answers surprised me.