Is Your Husband Praying for a Blackout?

April 2, 2014

in Uncategorized

Competing with electronic gadgets came up several times in the What Husbands Want Their Wives to Know survey. Be it television, social media, or Candy Crush, men do not like feeling second to something with an off-button!

Is this a valid concern, or are men just being unreasonable? Some men can be demanding about attention, but there is a real problem here for many. For years, relationship experts have been warning smart phones can hurt marriages, and now studies support this. One study found just having a cell phone in sight during a conversation resulted in reports of lower relationship quality and feeling less close. Imagine how much worse things are when phones are used during time together!

Phone in Bed © Witthaya Phonsawat | freedigitalphotos.net

Is your husband starting to see your phone or computer as “the other man”? Does he wonder if you would pick your phone over him if forced to decide? Might you be among the 57% of US women said they would choose a week without sex over a week without their smartphone?

Because women are more social than men are, I suspect “social-media addiction” is more common for women. This probably also means male tolerance for heavy use is lower. 

A few suggestions:

  • Put your phone out of sight during meals, and do not answer if it rings. Even better, silence it.
  • Likewise when you want to have a discussion or some non-sexual touch.
  • Consider making the bedroom a no connected devices area. Or, agree they get put up and ignored at a certain time each evening.
  • Getting on your phone shortly after sex is insulting your hubby.

 Resource Links:

  • How Your Cell Phone Hurts Your Relationships – Scientific American – http://bit.ly/1jsFgxg
  • Social Media Study Finds Link Between Media Use And Relationship Satisfaction – http://huff.to/1m4UC8q
  • 57% Of American Women Choose Smartphone Over Sex – http://bit.ly/1h7B17c
  • Your smartphone may be powering down your relationship -http://cnn.it/1doPTP1
  • Your Phone vs. Your Heart – NYTimes.com – http://nyti.ms/1fZc5dk

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Image Credit: © Witthaya Phonsawat | freedigitalphotos.net

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Dr Richard Norris April 2, 2014 at 2:00 am

This is one of my bug-bears in meetings and at home. These tools are proving anti-social if not used professional and respectfully. It impacts children as much as it does spouses. Such technological advances can damage relationships at work, rest and play. I wrote about the impact of social media a few months back. See http://www.leadingmenonly.com/social-media.

I maintain vigilance in our home. Making a stand can be unpleasant. Sometimes I challenge the use because the most thing is not a thing but the people who matter most to you under your roof not those from miles away who you will likely never meet or those who only dance around the periphery of your lives but do not or should not impact the flow of your marriage and family. We all need ot be smart to use smart technology.
Dr Richard Norris recently posted…Wanted: Dangerous MenMy Profile

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Paul Byerly April 2, 2014 at 12:27 pm

It certainly is a place where a man should show leadership in his family!

Great post – it pre-dates my following you so I had not seen it.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Have You Validated Your Wife Today?My Profile

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IntimacySeeker April 2, 2014 at 8:25 am

Just read your post at The Generous Husband encouraging husbands to validate their wives. One of the times I felt most validated was when my husband put his phone under the floor mat in the car before we entered a restaurant for dinner together. He’s a keeper!

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Paul Byerly April 2, 2014 at 12:27 pm

Making a point of putting a device away can be a powerful way of validating.
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D. April 5, 2014 at 9:07 am

What if it is the wife praying for a blackout?
It isn’t the smartphone use, but overuse of TV. I know my hubby isn’t as social as I am, but we used to do more together and with other couples, and I’m longing for those times again, especially now that our home is empty of children.

I have tried communicating this, and he is a good man who listens to me. He is just slow to change, and I must not be effectively communicating just how important this is to me.

Advice, please?

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Paul Byerly April 6, 2014 at 1:51 pm

Assuming he cares, then the issue is getting him to hear your heart. You may also be dealing with habit, which can be very difficult.

I’d discuss it again, express it is vital to you, and then brainstorm, with him about ways to do it that work for both of you.
Paul Byerly recently posted…The Daily OfficeMy Profile

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Stephanie April 6, 2014 at 5:17 pm

This goes both ways. Perhaps women tend to be more social and therefore more easily addicted to social media, but men are often “techies” and can be addicted to electronics in general. It seems my hubby is always in front of the TV, computer, and/or smartphone. I enjoyed the week our cable/internet line was out; my husband…not so much.

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Paul Byerly April 7, 2014 at 11:43 am

Agreed – same outcome, different bait.
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Charlie O October 1, 2016 at 11:50 am

A screen is a sorry substitute for a sex bed in more ways than one. It’s not a priority issue (we don’t decide that the screen is more important, necessarily); it is an insidious thief of the time that could be spent in a much more profitable way.

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