To Know Me is to Love Me

April 9, 2014

in Uncategorized

A few excerpt from the What Your Husband Wants You to Know survey:

  • It seems to me women just do not understand…
  • …understanding the impact it may create on the husband 
  • I wish I could get you to understand…
  • I wish you fully understood…
  • Man’s need for understanding and respect…
  • I don’t think she understands…
  • …giving up hope that she will understand me…
  • You need to understand…
  • It seems to me women just do not understand…
  • We want them to clearly understand…
  • I wish you understood…
  • Understand that…

Confused © Maria Gerasimenko |

These men are crying out to be understood. Others sent the same message without using the “U” word. I hear the same when I talk to friends and from other men via e-mail. Men do not feel understood by their wives. More than that, they feel misunderstood, and often they feel judged based on those misunderstandings. 

I realise many women do not feel their husband understands them, but most men know they do not understand their wife. I do not get the feeling wives are generally aware how poorly they understand their husband. This post is thus along the lines of “admitting the problem is the first step to fixing it”. Telling him you realise you do not understand him will make him feel better, and it could give him some hope.

Open the door for him to share what he thinks you misunderstand, and listen as he tries to help you know him better. Communicating across gender lines can be difficult and frustrating, but just making the effort will cause him to feel loved. Another good choice would be to stop accepting what the media and your friends say about men as absolute truth. Even when stereotypes are based on truth, they usually flawed.

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Image Credit: © Maria Gerasimenko |

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Dr Richard Norris April 9, 2014 at 2:41 am

My wife has attempted to understand some of my challenges as a man on a few occasions. Each time I have initiated the conversation and aimed to explain my thoughts, feelings etc. because I need her to understand. She says she does yet I am not fully convinced. It may be an ongoing trial of mutual understanding. I’m sure we’ll get there eventually.
Dr Richard Norris recently posted…At A Crossroad: How To Handle UncertaintyMy Profile


Paul Byerly April 9, 2014 at 11:05 am

How can she know she knows? How can you know she knows? It is a difficult and long term task.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Charity and Love Begin at HomeMy Profile


IntimacySeeker April 9, 2014 at 5:27 am

I like the challenge of inviting my husband to share what he thinks I don’t understand about him. I have been doing tons of reading and learning in my attempt to understand him, but have never asked him this point blank.
@Dr Norris What might a wife do to convince her husband she understands him?


Paul Byerly April 9, 2014 at 11:05 am

Just ask him? What a great idea!
Paul Byerly recently posted…Charity and Love Begin at HomeMy Profile


Rosemary April 9, 2014 at 1:44 pm

I’m working on new techniques to try to better understand my husband. When there is a disconnect of some kind, I realize that I may be making an assumption about his thoughts, feelings or intentions. Maybe my assumption is correct, but maybe not. I need to check it with him. Asking him is often the easiest way to find out. But, for a variety of reasons, he isn’t always able to respond clearly to a direct question, especially if he can’t see the source of the misunderstanding. It can be helpful if I lay it out for him (calmly) so he can see where my assumption came from. I can say something like, “You did X and Y, and I interpreted that as meaning you wanted Z.” It’s important to say that this is my interpretation, rather than insisting that it is a fact. When he sees how I made this interpretation, he can either confirm that I have correctly understood him, or he can provide additional facts or an alternate interpretation.
Rosemary recently posted…OfflineMy Profile


Paul Byerly April 10, 2014 at 11:14 am

Very good! Hope to see a post on that when you return to your blog.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Why You Put Others Ahead of Her?My Profile


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