Yes, men want non-sexual touch.
First the “Proof”:
- In our What is Most Lacking in Your Marriage survey, 44% of the men said “non-sexual touch” making it the fourth most common answer. When asked to rank how important sixteen things are to their marriage, women ranked non-sexual touch 8th while men put it 10th
- The What Your Husband Wants You to Know raw results show men wanting more non-sexual touch.
- The day I am writing this, a TGH comment from a husband reads, “When I got married, my biggest surprise was how much I enjoyed snuggling. It is a high priority for me and has only grown more so in these first 16 years. If I had to choose between sex and snuggling, I would choose sex…but only for a while.“
Not My Hubby!
Yes, there are exceptions, but not many. Only 8% of men ranked non-sexual touch in the bottom forth. Growing up we are taught to be tough and independent. Things like hugging and snuggling seem “unmanly” to many boys. They may want those things, but they are unlikely to admit or ask for them. Some men carry this into marriage. They enjoy non-sexual touch, but they find it difficult to ask for it.
Touch is Never Non-Sexual for Him!
Yes and no. It is true he is easily aroused, especially by being close to the woman he loves. This means non-sexual touch is likely to get him going sexually. Please do not assume he wanted sex all along when this happens! Just because going to the mall results in you buying shoes does not mean you intended to buy shoes when you decided to go to the mall. (Is that a horribly sexist analogy? )
If he is having plenty of sex, he can ignore his arousal. When a man is sexually satisfied, not every erection requires attention. If sex is rare, the situation is more difficult, and yes, just about any non-sexual touch is going to end with him wanting sex.
Feed His Need
Find ways to give your husband more non-sexual touch and see what happens.
- One great way to do this is to rub his back, shoulders, feet, or hands. Massaging his sore muscles is a form of touch he can enjoy without worrying he looks less manly.
- A back scratch is another great “male-safe-touch”.
- You can also sneak in non-sexual touch during sex. Touch him in places that do not fill with blood, especially early on.