“One of the things that I believe happens here is that the person we help expresses gratitude for the help; where “chores” around the house and other things for our mate typically do not receive the same level of appreciation. We do what we feel gets appreciated and fail to love in the little things. I too am often guilty but I am trying to be faithful in the little things to show my wife I love her and she can trust things will be done and done on time.
I believe each spouse expressing gratitude to the other on a regular basis can really help in this area.”
“Sometimes I have done worse than not voicing appreciation: I have complained that something wasn’t done “right.” I would bet some husbands put other tasks ahead of those at home as a way of escaping a complaining, nagging wife.“
Both of these are spot on. The second one is huge in some marriages. I had one man tell me he would never again empty the dishwasher because every time he did it his wife [griped] at him for doing it wrong. I have had other men say the same thing about how they fold sheets or towels or where they put things when they “help out”.
I suspect most of these men would have been open to “Thank you so much. If you think of it next time could you…” What put them off was a total lack of appreciation and being told they did it wrong. We should do things for our wives because we love them, but wanting to be appreciated is not wrong.
~ Paul – I’m XY and I have no idea how to fold a fitted sheet right.
Can you give us a bit of time for a survey? The current TMB survey is asking women and men about sexual abuse. We would appropriate your time both if you have and if you have not been abused. Thanks.