Today a Guest post from Daniel Robertson of God’s Help For Marriage. I stumbled across his site a month ago and liked what I saw, and I am happy to introduce him to my readers here.
~ Paul – I’m XY and so is Daniel
Chances are good that if you ask your husband, he’ll tell you he’d like it if you wore lingerie more often.
And yet I’ve heard from women that they don’t really “get” lingerie because it is impractical. You put it on just so he can rip it off a little later? But practicality is one of the last things you should be thinking about when it comes to sex!
Men in our culture almost universally find this to be very alluring, and for good reason. I’m sure you already know that men are wired to respond to visual stimuli, but this is only the tip of the iceberg as to why we enjoy seeing our wife in some sexy undergarments. In this post I’d like to explore some of these reasons as well as why he may be reluctant to share this desire with you.
- The Tantalizing Tease: Lingerie covers up your essential parts, but only just enough to practically force him to pay attention!
- The Invitation to Exploration: You are offering an invitation for him to discover exactly what you’re hiding under those scraps. Not that he doesn’t already know, of course.
- Enhancing Your Visual Appeal: If men are so visual, you may be wondering why nude isn’t better? Lingerie enhances your natural beauty the same way makeup and nice clothes do, or the way you use decorations to dress up a house.
- Opening Up the Playground: Paul already covered why men like to play in the entire playground. Lingerie opens some new options for play that your husband wouldn’t have, otherwise.
- Offering Your Body: Your body is a gift just for your husband, and lingerie is the wrapping that he can choose to rip off in a hungry zeal or carefully peel away with great care.
- Variety: Exploration, adventure and variety play a big role in men’s sexuality, it is a part of how we are wired. With a number of different sexy outfits, you can offer plenty of exciting variety for him to discover.
- Show Your Enthusiasm: Finally, lingerie sends a clear message: “Come and take me!”
The common thread running through all of these is that by wearing lingerie you are making yourself available for sex. In fact, you might say that you are actually initiating sex by doing nothing more than wearing something hot and letting him see it!
As much as most men would love to see their wife in lingerie more often, many will not tell her about this desire. There a few reasons why this may be true of your husband:
- He’s Shy: He might just have a hard time voicing his desires. This is common in “B type” men like myself.
- Fear of Rejection: If he’s afraid of being rejected it could be because a history of past rejection, or it could be because he avoids anything that MIGHT result in a rejection even if the history is not there to lead him to expect it.
- He Doesn’t Want to Pressure You: Most men understand that women have trouble with lingerie due to body image issues or lack of confidence. He may not want to make you feel pressured into doing this for him.
- He Wants to be Surprised: Most people won’t ask for a gift. If lingerie is the wrapping on the gift of your body, then he won’t want to spoil the surprise by asking for it.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is to offer him something he secretly desires without being asked. Some time soon, try surprising him by slipping into something sexy. Or ask him to go to the lingerie store with you to pick something out together.
Or maybe you can ask him if this is something he wants. Some men do prefer a full birthday suit.
Daniel Robertson is a guest author who teaches Christian couples to build a strong marriage foundation based on Biblical principles. You can learn how to draw your husband out of his emotional shell with this post or you can download my free report “The 7 Pillars of a Godly Marriage” here