The Respect Note

June 9, 2014

in Uncategorized

We were watching the Love and Respect Live Marriage Conference DVDs with our group last night, and Emerson did something brilliant. He suggested wives write a note to their husbands. It went like this:

Dear [whatever endearing term you use for him]

I was thinking about you the other day, that you would die for me. That is an overwhelming thought to me.

With all my respect, the one who still admires you.

The Respect Card © phanlop88 | freedigitalphotos.net

After reading those words, Emerson said, “Many of the men here teared up hearing that.” I admit it brought a tear to my eye, and one of the other men in our group said it did the same to him. I doubt a woman can understand how deeply this moves a man. This is better for him than any love note you will ever receive. This is a card he will save forever. He might even show it, with great pride, to a few close friends.

Ladies, he would die for you. Even if he were mad at you, he would die for you. He wishes you understood that, and what it means about him. The fact we live in a world where he will likely never have an occasion to die for you does not change any of this for him. He feels for you a responsibility you will never feel for him. Letting him know you get it, and respect him for it, will touch him like nothing else.

Give it a try.

In This Series:

What Makes Him Feel Respected? 
Unconditional Respect 
Confronting to Connect 
The Respect Note ◄ This Page

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Robyn Gibson June 9, 2014 at 5:53 am

I did this. And he did. In fact, in all the years of exchanging cards, all the anniversaries, valentines days, and cards of ‘just because’ … it was the ONLY card he ever displayed on his desk at work.

Thank you for the reminder.
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IntimacySeeker June 9, 2014 at 7:31 am

Thanks for sharing this. For most of my married life, I would not have believed my husband felt this way. I felt I was not a priority, let alone, someone for whom he would give his life. In fact, there were occasions when I feared he might end mine. ‘Tis amazing just how deep our trust issues can bore into our relationships.

Could you expound on this statement: “He feels for you a responsibility you will never feel for him.” In my context, I feel IMMENSE responsibility for my husband. At times, it has overwhelmed me. I worry how he would cope if something happened to me.

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Paul Byerly June 9, 2014 at 9:10 am

Protecting your life, at the cost of his is part of it. He also feels a responsibility to provide for you financially.
When a man is single he is happy to live in a very small space and eat a lot of beans. Many would rather be out doing things than earning a lot of money. When we marry it all changes. We feel compelled to provide a good home, plenty of food and so on. I have had this discussion with many men, most if not all feel it.
I do understand what you are saying. Some men become so dependent on their wives for certain things it seems they could not survive without her.
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IntimacySeeker June 10, 2014 at 7:27 am

“He feels for you a responsibility you will never feel for him”
My husband expressed this years ago when I asked him how I could be a better wife and he replied, “Go to work!” My contributions to the financial support of our household free him to love me without feeling burdened. Knowing I can support myself financially frees me to love him without feeling indebted. Perhaps the reason some women don’t understand this about their husbands is because they don’t participate.
The financial support is not something he does for me, but rather, something he does WITH me. He values my capabilities and encourages me to use my gifts. Even though some of my feelings about other parts of our relationship have been skewed by deep trust issues, I feel valued and respected for my contributions in this area.
We share more than financial responsibilities, which has strengthened our sense of partnership and often attracted me to him. A man with his sleeves rolled up washing the dishes is very sexy. And a man on the floor playing tenderly with his children is also a turn on. I mean big time. Not to mention a playful snowball fight after shoveling the driveway together early in the morning before the kids wake up. 
Sharing more responsibilities can mean less stress and more delight in your relationship.

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