Why He May not Help Around the House

June 25, 2014

in Uncategorized

Last month my beautiful bride blogged about a misunderstanding we had. The short version is I wanted to be helpful because she had been sick, and she felt I was taking over her job. I quickly figured out why she was upset and we talked it out. She reacted negatively because she did not understanding why I was “taking over”.

Sometimes when a man tries to help, his wife may feel he is being rude. She might also feel he thinks she is doing such a poor job he need to steps in and fix things. In retrospect, it would have been far better for me to communicate my desire to help, tell her why I was offering, and ask her how I could best help. Hopefully I will do it that way next time.

I know we are not the only couple who have been through this. The reason I got a clue so fast is I because of I have heard the thoughts of many women about similar situations. I have also heard from men on the receiving end of a negative response to their trying to help. He is trying to be nice, and she gets mad. His logical conclusion is helping = angry wife, so he decides to stop helping out. She complains he does not help enough, but complaining is better than anger.

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Another reason men do not help is they are tired of being told they did it wrong. If he is really messing something up, tell him lovingly. If he is doing it differently than you do it but it works, keep silent if you want his help.

If you want help, ask. Give him a clear idea what he can help with, or even better give him a few things and let him choose. Then be sure to thank him.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I still think it takes two X chromosomes to fold a fitted sheet.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Rosemary June 25, 2014 at 9:48 am

Paul – I’m XX and I don’t even try to fold fitted sheets.
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Paul Byerly June 26, 2014 at 10:09 am

Should we start a 12 step program?
Paul Byerly recently posted…Helping Her Say NoMy Profile

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Jenny June 25, 2014 at 2:28 pm

Another reason may be because his mother was a SAHM and his dad did all the outside work and in his mind, men don’t do housework. Men learn much about how to be men from their fathers.
Jenny recently posted…Letting Go of PerfectionMy Profile

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Paul Byerly June 26, 2014 at 10:11 am

Certainly an issue for many men. For some what I describe is just an excuse to not do it. I figure not giving people easy excuses is a good plan.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Helping Her Say NoMy Profile

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Deb July 5, 2014 at 4:12 am

I used to feel guilty when my husband did some of my jobs around the house. I wanted him to help with the children, not the housework. I’m over that now. If he wants to do the dishes etc, I’m just grateful. :)

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