Porn: My Story

July 9, 2014

in Uncategorized

As I worked on the post for Friday – Because He Saw it in Porn – I realised I should share my history with porn first. So, here is the PG version.

I first saw porn at about age seven when I found the Playboy magazines my dad had hidden in the spare bedroom closet. This was the late 60’s, so porn was breasts, buttocks. It was back when women had pubic hair, but it never appeared in a centrefold until the 70’s. By today’s standards, it was nothing, but for a kid back then it was hard-core.

Old Porn © oskay | flickr.com

As I got older and started to bike farther from home I discovered one could often find pornographic magazines in the illegal dump-sites found in the woods. This was about the time Hustler came out. It was far more graphic than other magazines, and the others started showing more to compete. By Junior High, I was in deep. A group of us put a padlock on an unused locker in a low traffic part of the school and set up a porn sharing library. I know of half a dozen boys who traded porn this way, and I suspect there were more.

All this changed shortly after my 15th birthday when I was becoming more serious about my faith. One night as I fell asleep, after looking at porn, I wondered if God might disapprove of porn. This may sound odd, but it was the first time I had thought about it. The church did not talk about porn back then (or about sex in general). Porn was sold in convenience stores, often on the same rack as the comic books. My dad, a strong Christian, had porn. Based on all this I figured it was okay with God. Still I wanted to be sure, so I prayed, “God, if porn is wrong, let me know” and feel asleep.

Three days later in Sunday school the material we used had an article titled What if God talked back? in which God answers a young man praying the Lord’s prayer. When he get to “Lead us not into temptation”, God’s reply includes “Quit hanging around the magazine stands where Playboy is sold.” BANG – God was talking to me right there in Sunday school! I gave up porn cold turkey that day, and never went back. No slips, no relapse, I stopped looking at porn*. I still had opportunities, but I did not give in. Of course, I still looked at the sex books at the public library for a few more years, and there was the issue of my thoughts. God worked on those too in time.

When Lori and I married, I would have told you I was free from the influence of pornography. It had been nine years since I looked at porn, and at least three years since I looked at “educational books”. My thought life had improved greatly, and I had my lust under control. I thought I was free, but I was wrong. By the time I reached puberty I was deep into porn. My sexuality was shaped by porn. Porn changed my desires and my understanding of sex. It took a couple of years of marriage to understand the long-term effects of my choice to view porn, and a couple more years to deal with those issues.

* About a decade after Lori and I got married we experimented a bit with pornographic videos. I think it started because she expressed curiosity. Our sex life had improved a great deal, but was still not what I wanted. I figured her curiosity was a good thing and convinced myself it was okay as long as we did it together. We were very picky about what we got, and we viewed only occasionally for a year at most. After a while, we stopped, and the tapes lived buried on a top shelf for a while before we agreed we had no more interest. Because we limited ourselves we did not do a huge amount of harm, but I know it did more harm than good.

It has been a couple of decades since I have had contact with porn, but I talk to men still involved and read about the what is out there today. I know it has gotten far worse, making the damage it does far worse.

Bottom Line : I have enough experience with porn to know what it is and what it does. Porn perverts sex, and twists the minds of those who view it. It makes sex one dimensional, about the physical only. It creates appetites real sex cannot satisfy. When used by a couple, porn can short-cut foreplay, but long-term it reduces sexual pleasure.

I am convinced porn is wrong for those who follow Jesus. Morality aside, I am convinced porn is a bad choice for anyone who wants a great sex life.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Bonny @oysterbed7 July 9, 2014 at 6:01 am

Thank you for your candor. I unequivocally agree. Porn will never enhance your marital sexual relations. It damages true intimacy.

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Paul Byerly July 9, 2014 at 9:54 am

I think some “good Christians” fall into porn because they cannot find a more wholesome way to learn about sex. The growing number of blogs (such as yours) which deal openly about this issue from a Scriptural stand are very important for this reason.
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Dan July 16, 2014 at 10:10 pm

I agree with you there, Paul. western culture is very repressive about sex to the point that we do not even acknowledge the need for education about it. Don’t let the schools teach sex ed, we’ll take care of that at home, but we don’t. Don’t even THINK about it being taught in church, we’d rather teach that being interested in and curious about sex is lustful and we should feel shame for being sexual. No wonder there are so may blogs that address sexuality and relationships. Where else can you go? And if you want pictures, well their ALL pornographic, even Alex Comfort and the Joy of Sex series of books. Maybe if we blurred out the breasts, genitals and buttocks it would be acceptable. The man inserts his blurry thing in the woman’s blurry thing and when you get married you will have to wear blurry glasses so you don’t get confused. Oh, well. Off the soapbox for now.
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Paul Byerly July 17, 2014 at 1:04 pm

When “Joy of Sex” first came out a lot of Christians secretly bought a copy. It was solid information, and the original had pastel coloured drawings which were enough to show what needed to be shown without looking like hard porn.
Had the church been doing what it should have, maybe non-christians would have been buy a book written by a Christian?
Paul Byerly recently posted…Who Does Your Wife Say You Are?My Profile

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