Age Changes Things

August 1, 2014

in Uncategorized

Age changes most things. Some changes are for the better, some not so much. Some are a mixed bag. 

You probably have some first-hand understanding of how age changes your sexuality, but what about his sexuality? There are plenty of changes between his legs, and between his ears, as the years go by. Because men are less given to discussing such things, he may not know what is normal. He may be secretly worried something is wrong, and his fears can interfere with your sex life. The good news is the changes need not cause problems, especially if you both know what to expect.

08-01-2014 

Below are some common male sexual changes related to age. I am not giving ages for these because the age at which a man experiences these varies a great deal.

Below are some common male sexual changes related to aging. I am not giving specific ages for these because the age at which a man experiences them varies a great deal.

Erections:

  • Ease – Young men get erections just thinking about asking about sex. As a man ages, it takes more to get him erect. Most men reach a place where some manual stimulation is necessary to become firm enough for intercourse.
  • Up, down, up… – When a man is young erections tend to keep going till sex is over. With age erections wax and wane during foreplay, and to some degree during intercourse.
  • Firmness – He may occasionally get as full and firm as was common in years gone by, but for the most part his erections are a bit less hard. As long as intercourse is possible, less firm is no big deal. If intercourse becomes difficult or impossible, he needs to see a doctor.
  • The Morning Salute – Morning erections happen when a man wakes from a dream, as all dreams cause erections. Morning erections are usually the fullest, firmest a man has. Men have fewer morning erections as they age because we dream less as we get older. Fewer is find, but not having any is a problem he needs to discuss with a doctor. If he has good solid morning erections, he is physically up for sex. 

Repeat Performances:  

  • Down Time – The refractory period is the time after ejaculation during which a man cannot ejaculate again. In teens this as low as a few minutes. In the 20’s it may be well under an hour. With each decade, the refractory period gets longer. In some men, it goes beyond a full day. Please note he may be able to get an erection during this time. Some elderly men learn to ejaculate every other time they have sex, allowing them to have frequent sex despite their refractory period.  
  • Lack of Up Time – He will lose erections more rapidly after climax, and it will be longer before he can get another. 

Nerves Get Old Too:

  • Feeling Less -With age, the sensitivity of the penis declines somewhat.
  • Going Longer – He may need more stimulation to reach climax – faster, longer, or both.
  • Needing more – He may want stronger stimulation during oral and manual sex.

Climax Changes:

  • Still Nice… – The intensity of orgasm will lessen. It remains very good, but it is a bit less.
  • Weaker – The strength of his ejaculation will lessen. This is one of the first changes most men notice.
  • Less Mess – The amount of semen is reduced.

No Longer His Only Thought:

  • A Bit Slower – His sex drive will lessen as he gets older. How much and when varies a great deal – some 50 year old men have more drive than most men half their age.
  • 23/6 – He will think about sex less often. (But probably still far more often than you do.)
  • Or Tomorrow – His drive is also less critical for him. He finds it easier to put sex off because doing so is less of a problem for him.
  • What Was I Doing? – Distractions or interruptions can kill the mood for him – something younger men rarely experience. Even if he is still interested, his erection will likely need to be resuscitated.
  • Kind of Nice – Many men enjoy being less preoccupied with sex. It allows them to do more, and to show their wife love in more ways.

Not Just Any Time

  • It’s Late… – Sex last thing at night may become difficult for him. Energy levels and sex drive can both be low at the end of the day.
  • Start the Day off Right – Morning erections make sex on waking a good choice, if it works for the couple.
  • Afternoon Delight – Afternoon sex is also a great option.

 The Best is Yet to Be

  • Sexy 60 – Many studies, including a survey we did, find most older men and women say they are having great sex. Many retirement age couples say they are having the best sex of their lives.
  • Better Matched – Your drives will likely be more matched as you both grow older. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and fifty-something sex beats “young sex” in so many ways.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Bonny @oysterbed7 August 1, 2014 at 5:11 am

Thank you for perspective. Aging isn’t abad thing! I think a great benefit of aging is the last point you made, at least from my perspective. Having desire for the same frequency of intercourse means less conflict and that means even better sex!
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Dan August 1, 2014 at 11:21 pm

I have to apologize for forgetting the exact numbers but I believe the statistic is by age 70, men have lost 60% of the original nerve sensitivity in their bodies. Penis included. If have the numbers wrong, it is only that I have them reversed which makes it even less pleasant news.
Dan recently posted…But It Seemed Like Such A Good Idea at the Time: Part 1My Profile

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Paul Byerly August 2, 2014 at 11:26 am

I’ve seen a number of studies on that, and they all have different numbers. It comes down to how one defines and tests sensitivity. Some studies do not look at men over 65, and the greatest lost is between 65 and 75.

Most studies look at sensation threshold – the level of touch of vibration required for a man to know he is being touched. However, this tells us nothing about the sensation of sexual activity. Needing twice as much touch to feel it does not mean all touch is felt half as much. Threshold is a black and white line so it is easy to test it, but it is not really much use in the real world.

Complains about lose of sensitivity are very rare even from men over 70. Additionally, reports of premature ejaculation do continue into old age, which would seem to mean any loss of sensitivity is not causing big changes.

I’ve talked to men 70 and better who are still having and enjoying sex multiple times a week. I am confident age is not going to ruin sex!
Paul Byerly recently posted…International Day of the Female OrgasmMy Profile

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Dan August 2, 2014 at 9:24 pm

It does take MORE though: More aggressive and active stimulation; more constant stimulation; more prolonged stimulation; and more visual stimulation. No more “thinking up” an erection. And don’t let your mind be drug too far off course during either. It is really quite the adjustment and the rules change at a faster pace than in the past. What worked last year for months is now less effective at times. At some point, you really have to redefine what “sex” is going to be between the two of you because you can no longer live in the once-reliable past.
Dan recently posted…But It Seemed Like Such A Good Idea at the Time: Part 1My Profile

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Paul Byerly August 3, 2014 at 11:41 am

All but the last sentence of your comment is what most women have experienced all their lives!
The final sentence is a place of wisdom we all need to reach in our sex lifes and our marriages as a whole.
Thanks
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Dan August 3, 2014 at 11:12 pm

For women especially how it felt great last time but not so much now. That makes immediate communication in the form of feedback during sex all the more necessary. If this is the only *sigh* sex you are going to share this week, don’t suffer through an unsatisfying experience. Even if he orgasms, he will sense your disappointment with the experience and his pleasure will be diminished. Speak up so he can help you find pleasure too and encourage him to do the same when his “interest” begins to softly flag.
Dan recently posted…But It Seemed Like Such A Good Idea at the Time: Part 1My Profile

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Julie August 4, 2014 at 6:04 am

Thanks for this post. I have a question about men aging and their libido. It seems that most changes regarding sexuality as men age have to do with sensitivity and responsiveness. How much does sexual desire decrease as a man ages? Because I suspect some men attribute a lack of libido to aging, when it might be other factors — such as work stress, relationship tension, midlife depression, etc. Thoughts?

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Paul Byerly August 4, 2014 at 12:47 pm

Probably a question deserving of a full post. Sex drive is made up of a number of components, and they change in different ways and at different rates. The things you mention can all be factors. They are usually not factors for younger men because their physical drive is enough to push past those things. As the physical drive diminishes some, those other things start to matter. They were there all along, but the man may not have been aware of them. So it can be a combination of lower physical drive and other things.
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