More Sex = More Non-Sexual Touch

August 15, 2014

in Uncategorized

Last week I did a post for the Generous Husband entitled More Non-Sexual = More Sexual. The post was based on the results of a survey asking women about the non-sexual touch they would like from their husband, and how such touch might affect them. The bottom line is most women think more non-sexual touch would improve both their desire for and their enjoyment of sex.

In the comments, one fellow suggested I had it wrong – women can get more non-sexual touch by having sex more often. I think both are valid; more of either one results in more of the other. 

 Sexy Kiss © Dmitry Maslov | Dreamstime.com

In my post to the men, I said, “I do understand the catch-22 men face in this. The touch their wife sees as non-sexual causes the men sexual arousal.” This is something women may not understand, but need to. The idea of touch that does not affect him sexually is like asking you to talk with your husband without your emotions being affected. How could you talk with the man you love and have no emotional involvement?

I am not saying he only wants sexual touch. Back in April, I told you He Wants Non-sexual Touch. Men want to engage in touching not intended to lead to sex. However, such touch will affect him sexually, because God created him to get aroused by contact with you.

This can be a problem for men who want more sex. They want non-sexual touch, but such touch adds to their sexual arousal, making matters worse for them. This is not just a male perspective – one women taking the survey made this comment: “Right now I try to avoid touch as much possible so I  will not want sex since my husband is being a gatekeeper”. If a woman will avoid touch to keep from getting “turned-on” how more should we expect it from a man?

I understand why a woman who is not getting much non-sexual touch would shy away from sex. I get why it makes it seem sex is all he wants. However, this is only half the story. If you can understand and accept his side of the story, you will be better equipped to find a solution you both like.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Dan August 17, 2014 at 10:58 pm

Steven Covey’s 5th habit of highly effective people: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” I think often we feel we’ve done our due diligence and truly understand when in reality all we’ve really done is listen and acknowledge someone’s discomfort or pain.
Dan recently posted…But It Seemed Like Such A Good Idea at the Time: Part 3-Logistical PlanningMy Profile

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Paul Byerly August 18, 2014 at 10:59 am

A great distinction, Dan. Listening and acknowledging is certainly a good start, but it is only a start.
Paul Byerly recently posted…How Would God Have You Treat Her?My Profile

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