Does it seem your husband is forever pushing your boundaries or limits? Do you wish he would just accept the lines you have set?
Part of being a man is pushing the limits. It is why we do the crazy, dangerous things we do, and why we are driven to explore the unexplored. The relentless pushing of boundaries is why we invent things and go places. And yes, it can be exhausting on a relational level.
Please do not take his pushing personally. As much as it may seem disrespectful, it is not. He is not testing your resolve, he is probing for signs of change. He wants to go beyond the limits, and he is looking for any indication you are ready to go beyond with him. He sees a “no” as a no for today, not for the rest of life.
One place where this is especially upsetting for women is sexuality. Again, he wants to push the limits, and he wants to do it with you. Unfortunately he can easily come across as not caring about you or your feelings.
If you understand the boundary pushing drive behind what he does, maybe you can deal with it better. If you think a boundary is one you will be willing to move later, let him know. Also let him know when you feel a boundary is long term or permanent. If you let him know which lines you might someday cross, he may be more reserved about the ones you say you will never cross.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I love pushing the limits!
Speaking of pushing boundaries: Shannon Ethridge, author of The Sexually Confident Wife and The Fantasy Fallacy has a new book out – The Passion Principles: Celebrating Sexual Freedom in Marriage. We’ve not had a chance to read it yet (our copy is in the mail!) but based on her other works I have no concerns about recommending the book. Shannon is all about having great sex within Godly boundaries. She understands the wrong messages and fears women face in their sexuality, and she has some radical thoughts on better sex.
Want a free copy of The Passion Principles book? Leave a comment on the blog site about boundaries (sexual or otherwise). On Sunday Sept 28th I will a random number and the commenter in that spot will win a copy.
If you are in Southern California, you can hear Shannon speak on the passion principles. Six one hour sessions will cover:
- Understanding the Fluidity of Female Sexuality
- Exposing the Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual Thoughts
- Integrating Sexuality & Spirituality
- Connecting With Your Husband Mind, Body & Soul
- Embracing Your Role as the Bride of Christ