Over on The Generous Husband I am finishing up of a week of posts on “growing up” or becoming more mature.
I know it is common for women to complain their husband needs to grow up. It is also common for men to say the same about their wife. In both cases, there is usually some truth to the accusation. I think men and women focus on different areas of maturity, making it possible for a husband and wife to both feel they are the more mature of the couple. Of course, all of us have room to grow.
Growing up seems to have become optional in our society. If you hold down a job you have to show some level of maturity at work, but beyond that it is possible to get by with a shocking lack of maturity. Some people who manage to look competent at work can barely function in other ways. Others seem to leave their maturity at work. Many of the people honoured and valued by our society have significant areas of immaturity in their lives, making it seem okay to not be a grown up.
My posts to the gentlemen this week have been an attempt to convince them maturity is a good thing. Growing up is not easy, but it is worth the effort. I would say the same to you ladies. Maturity means giving up some of our childish ways, which is no fun. It means being more responsible, and who wants that? However, maturity also means being better able to cope with things. It means having a greater level of peace. Maturity means being able to say yes and no, and not feel guilty about either. The pluses outweigh the minuses.
Striving for greater maturity works better if you and your husband make it a joint journey. I strongly advocate working on it alone if he is unwilling, but trying to get him to join you is better for everyone. Bring it up by focusing on yourself. Admit to some area of immaturity, and tell him you want to do better. Tell him you are going to work on “growing up” and ask him if he will join you.
An excellent resource for this journey is Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature. Lori and I have been through this book several times. We are currently doing it with a second group. The maturity we have gained is incredible, and we have seen growth in others as well. Reading this book and discussing it with your husband would be good for both of you, and for your marriage.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m growing up!
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature.
by Peter Scazzero