We have a winner! Ron, the third commenter on the Testing Boundaries (And a give-away) wins a copy of Shannon Ethridge’s book The Passion Principles: Celebrating Sexual Freedom in Marriage. (Look for my email, Ron.)
I am a fan of Henry Cloud John Townsend’s boundaries books, but I find many men dislike or hate the books. Why are men so down on these great tools?
Have you ever seen a man misuse the Bible to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants? Many men have had their wife do the same thing with a perversion of Cloud and Townsend’s boundaries ideas. Most of these men have never read any of the books – and would be surprised by what the authors say if they did.
We live in a society that expects “good women” to be agreeable. Saying no is bad, going along is good. Women who say no “too often” are called words I won’t use here!
If a woman has bought into those lies for decades, learning she has the “right” to say no is liberating. Thing is, it is easy to go too far, especially at first. Being a decent human being means sometimes doing things we do not want to do. Being in a relationship means the same, even more so. Only doing what we want to do is called being selfish. As with most things in life, we must seek a sane balance.
If you want to work on boundaries in your marriage, I suggest you urge your husband to read Boundaries in Marriage so he can discuss it with you. Telling him you want him to know what the book says so you do not unfairly use it against him might be the motivation he needs. (If your hubby won’t read, the book is available in audio format.)
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I would rather listen than read.