Over on One Flesh Marriage, our friend Kate did a great post entitled 5 Things I Wish Someone had told me about Sex. It was such a great idea I am stealing it. My Generous Husband post for tomorrow will be 5 Things I Wish Someone had told me about Female Sexuality. Along the same lines, here are things I wish my wife had known about male sexuality before we married.
- Erections are not a barometer: An erection does not mean a man wants sex. Not having an erection does not mean a man does not want to have sex. How fast a man gets an erection in any situation depends on his physical state (how tired he is, how hard he has worked physically) and his mental state (both his relationship with you and his day in general.) These same things also affect how hard he gets. His mind and body are not always in sync sexually – kind of like your mind and body.
- Enough is not always enough: Men tend to think of “enough sex” in terms of quieting the physical demand. He may think if you take care of his physical need it is unfair to ask for any more. I’ll let you in on a secret – the best sex a man has is sex he did not “need” physically.
- Wanting to try something different is not a complaint: The fact he can think up new ways to enjoy sex with you says nothing about how he feels about what you currently do. When you enjoy something, you want more of the same, and you want to try new ways.
- Sometimes it does have a mind of its own: From before he had any idea what sex was his penis has caused him problems. It got hard for no reason, and would not go back to normal fast enough. When he hit puberty this became a real problem as it happened far more often and in public. His penis can also refuse to become hard when he wants an erection. Sometimes he climaxes very rapidly, for no apparent reason, and other times it takes longer than he thinks it should. I realise these things seem minor given all the ways your body betrays you, but to your husband these are a big deal and potentially rather embarrassing.
- Men are visual: You have heard this, but do you really understand it? He wants to see you naked. Not just without clothes, fully naked and exposed. He wants to see and explore your most sexual parts. Sex in the dark is far less enjoyable for him than sex in the light, and if he never sees you naked, he will not be sexually satisfied no matter how often you have sex together. If you really understand this, and understand how hot he thinks you are, you can rock his world.
Feel free to join the comments on Saturday’s TGH post and tell men what you think they need to know about female sexuality. This link will take you there.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I was so clueless about female sexuality when I got married.