The other day on her blog, Lori mentioned she was doing well with “Asking for what I want and need in a specific way”.
This has been a long process for her. She mentioned some early steps two years ago.
How has her asking for what she wants affected me? I like it! I love her, and I want to give her what she wants and needs. For much of our marriage I had to do a good deal of guessing. Because of her past, she did not expect to get what she asked for. In fact, she had learned what she asked for might be used against her. She never thought I was that way, but she had decades of habit built when we got married. So she hinted, or she asked and so down played it I thought it was unimportant. All too often, she said nothing. I suppose I can thank her for forcing me to become more observant, but actually hearing what she wants is far better!
Communicate clearly to your husband about what you want and need. If you have not done this, it is mostly your fault he is not meeting your needs. Skip hints and clues, give it to him straight. If you have many wants and needs not being met, give him a few at a time, focusing on the ones you most need.
Follow Up: Over on To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Sheila is doing a series on the lies that women often believe about men. The second one, a guest post entitled Men Only Want One Thing would have been a great addition to my Friday post Another Secret of Porn. When the post author said to her husband “I’ve never—ever—ever said no to you!” he replied, “You’re right. You may have never said no, Julie … but you’ve also never said yes.” This is the critical point – not saying no is not the same as saying yes!
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want to hear all my wife’s wants and needs.