Why the Toilet Seat is Such a Big Issue

November 3, 2014

in Uncategorized

Have you had the battle of the toilet seat in your marriage? He refuses to lower it when he is done, or he leaves it down and leaves a mess. He says, “If you want it down, put it down. I don’t expect you to put up it when you’re done, do I?”

Pink Toilet © Keerati | freedigitalphotos.net

I lived with others guys for a while before I got married, and the toilet seat spent most of the time up. It was more convenient, end of story. So yes, you are asking him to do extra work for you. I’m not saying your request is unreasonable, just showing you it is extra work. You could also be asking him to change a long-standing habit, which can be annoyingly difficult. When he leaves it up, he may not have thought about it. It is not an intentional slight, it is an oversight. Not rude, just habit.

I’d suggest asking him to lower the seat as a favour to you. This tells him you understand it is something extra he does just for you, taking the fight out of it. If he gets it right even occasionally, thank him. This will re-enforce it being a loving thing he does for you.

~ Paul – I’m XY and I’ve been potty seat trained.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Dr Richard Norris November 3, 2014 at 1:56 am

This is a non-issue in our house. I can count on one hand how many times in our 23 years of marriage where I’ve left the seat up. I mix it up – some times I stand and sometimes I sit. My son is learning this first hand.

He has a way to go, but he is getting there. The key question I use is, “Would you like it if you sat on a wet seat?” He says no and gets the message – do unto others… I haven’t left water on the seat or used stickers on a chart yet as teaching tools for him but…perhaps that’s idea for some of your readers? :)
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IntimacySeeker November 3, 2014 at 5:03 am

In our home we put seats and lids down consistently. More sanitary this way. Toilets are often in close proximity to where the toothbrushes are kept.

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Rosemary November 3, 2014 at 10:47 am

I didn’t even know this was an issue until I was an adult. In the house where I grew up, considerate males always put the seat down. When you think about the fact that most potty training is done by mothers or other female caretakers, it would seem simple enough to make this an automatic and unremarkable part of early training, just like flushing.

At our house, we both keep the seat and the lid closed. Not only does it look better, it prevents pets from drinking out of the toilet.
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IntimacySeeker November 3, 2014 at 1:26 pm

This could be a stretch, but when it comes to the toilet seat/lid, if it is a matter of cleanliness (more than convenience) for the wife and that is important to her, she might help her husband understand that this is one less thing crowding her mind at the end of the day as they prepare for lovemaking.
When I hear my husband wash his hands very thoroughly after using the toilet, I look forward to his touch. Otherwise, not so much.
I am a claustrophobic minimalist who delights in clean toilets and clean hands. :)

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laurie November 3, 2014 at 2:40 pm

Why does cleanliness have to be a “special favor” to the wife? Everyone should put the lid down (and thus, the seat!)
From prevention.com:
“Most of us make it a point to cover our mouths when we cough, wash our hands frequently, and wipe down our desks and other germy surfaces. But there’s another strategy for your flu-fighting arsenal you may not know about: keeping a lid on your toilet.

Every time you flush with an open lid, bacteria spray into the air around your toilet. And some of these germs could pass along symptoms of diarrhea or vomiting. (Yuck.)

Scientists at Leeds University tested the air above toilets and found that the germ, C. difficile, which causes violent bacteria and vomiting, can be spewed up to 10 inches above toilet seats with every open flush. These germs were found on the sides of the toilet, on the top, and on the floor—even when the toilet wasn’t in use. In other words, even an unoccupied, open bowl can spread bacteria.”

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Paul Byerly November 4, 2014 at 11:18 am

No argument with you on this – although studies find closing the lid does not make nearly as much difference as we would like to think.
That said, if he has never done it, he is being asked to do something different. Just trying to get that reality out there.
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