Over the last couple of years, I have come to realise just how much my thinking affects my life, for better or worse. I used to let my surroundings and circumstances significantly influence what I thought and felt. I was happy when things were “going well” and not so happy when things were “going badly”. This meant my mood and thoughts were dependent on things and people I could not control. Not a wise plan! At best, I was at the whim of others, at worst I was their victim.
Gradually I have come to realise what I think and feel is always my choice. I can see something bad as a horrible event, or a challenge to navigate. I can see my wife’s grumpiness as an excuse to act the same way, or I can see it as an opportunity to show her love and grace. What others choose to do and say should not decide what I think, feel, or do. If others control me, it is because I have chosen to let them do so.
I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to get this. Had I understood it thirty years ago, the problems Lori and I had in our early marriage would have hurt far less. Additionally, I would have acted far less badly, which would have made things easier for both of us. I suspect some of the problems would have gone away without any real work, and the rest would have been resolved faster and with less pain and turmoil. If nothing else, I would have had more peace, which would have been nice.
Unlike most of what I post here this is not a male thing, it is a human thing. Do you allow others, including your husband, to decide how you feel? It’s a difficult habit to break, but it is well worth the effort!
Bottom Line: You and you alone decide what you think and feel. You have a great deal of control and choice, if you are willing to use it. If you stop allowing others to control your mood, you will find an amazing level of peace.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and for the record, my wife has never been much of a grump.
As I post this (On Tuesday afternoon) we have made 89% of our year-end goal. You can see where we are right now in the widget on the right. If you want 2014 US tax credit, make your donation before midnight local time Dec 31st. A huge thanks to everyone who has helped!