Just Ask… PLEASE!!

January 16, 2015

in Uncategorized

Last April I wrote about Why You Initiating Sex Matters so Much to him. This is one of the things I hear most from men about their sex lives – second to wanting more.

What we hear from women about initiating is:

  • I don’t know how.
  • I’m embarrassed.
  • I never get the chance; he asks all the time or he asks before I am ready!

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Some ideas for the first two:

  • Whisper, “I’m horny” in his ear.
  • Leave a note on the bathroom mirror.
  • Come to bed just after him, wearing less clothing than usual.
  • Get a sexy bit of something and wear it as a signal you are willing. 
  • Place one or both of his hands on your breasts or between your legs.
  • Send him a text during the day letting him know you want him tonight.
  • Put a candle somewhere in the room and light it when you are up for sex. 
  • Offer to rub his back or shoulders. Start there, and move on to other areas.
  • Join him in the shower. If you don’t usually do this, it will give him the idea.
  • If you only lock the bedroom door for sex, wait till he gets in bed, then get up and go lock the door.
  • Slide your hand slowly down his body and between his legs. When you grasp his penis, ask if he wants “to do something with this?”

As to him always asking first, you’ll have to beat him to the draw. This probably means starting sex when you’re not fully interested. You don’t have to go the full nine yards – offer a quickie or something other than intercourse. You still get credit for initiating, and you take his drive down a notch. Do this on occasion, and you might want sex before he asks sometime.

~ Paul, I’m XY, and I love it when my wonderful wife goes into the bedroom and kicks the dog out.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Bonnie @ Love, Marriage & Sex January 16, 2015 at 5:51 am

What I usually do is kiss him and then not let it stop and increase the intensity of the kiss. It’s easy and it makes a clear indication of what my intentions are.
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Paul Byerly January 16, 2015 at 10:26 am

Nice!
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Dan January 16, 2015 at 7:25 pm

Before they can initiate, they have to THINK about sex, and therein lies the rub. Too tired, too busy, too distracted, too… And so it goes. Since it seems it is in their nature to be “too” too often for us men, there needs to be a way around the “too problem” that works within their nature. There are studies that attest that women want sex as much a men do and that men desire the same time devoted to foreplay that women do. Does either sex believe that about the other? But let’s say that it IS true. How do we get the women to think about it since if they do, evidence shows they will want sex; and how do we get the the men to extend foreplay, which really means allow enough time for the women to become sufficiently and appropriately aroused so they stand an better than typical 33% chance of having an orgasm? All of your suggestions and Bonnie’s are good, but the woman has to think about wanting sex to begin with. I’m heading in this direction as the the orgasm series grows. Doesn’t mean I have an answer as of now, but I will be addressing it. Wish me luck. :)
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Paul Byerly January 18, 2015 at 1:02 pm

In a survey we did the majority of men said they wanted more foreplay. Surprised me.

Most women do not have the same “loud” sex drive men have, which makes it much easier to miss when tried or stressed. If women had slower, less busy lives, I think we would see them much more interested in sex.

The the other part of it is many women do not usually feel a drive until they are aroused. It would be like never feeling hungry unless you started to prepare food, then you got hungry. If you never felt hungry, why would you prepare food? Of course we need food to survive, so you would learn to do it for that reason, and would know once you started you would want and enjoy it.
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Jerry Stumpf January 17, 2015 at 1:50 pm

Paul,

I hope a wife can read this and understand how important to her man that she take the lead some time.
As always – good post my friend!
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