Make Your Dreams Known

March 16, 2015

in Uncategorized

Over on The Generous Husband I’m doing a series on becoming yourself and living your dreams. I’ll be warning the men to not live their dreams at the cost of their wife and her dreams.

Woman dreaming about the future © Kaspars Grinvalds | dollarphotoclub.com

Far too many times, I’ve seen women 40-50 years of age who are miserable and empty because they feel their life and dreams have passed them by. Our culture certainly plays a part in this. The fact women give birth and feel more nurturing is another factor. The one piece of this you have control of is speaking up!

When men work and play together, they compete. Even when we’re having fun, we are challenging each other as a way of challenging ourselves. When we share ideas, it’s a survival of the fittest thing; if I can’t defend my idea, desire, goal, or dream, it has no right to live. Yes it’s harsh, sorry about that. There are men who don’t do it or don’t take it as far, but it’s common.

In the past most men understood women were different, and didn’t challenge every thought their wife had the way they would challenge the thoughts of other men. One of the downsides of saying men and women are the same is men have stopped treating women like women. Today many men expect their wife to defend her desires, dreams, and hopes in battle to the death. A woman who doesn’t understand this may take his actions as disagreement, or even an attack. She withdraws, wounded and confused, and her dreams are taken off the table.

I’m not suggesting your dreams need to meet your husband on the battlefield. If you can do it without feeling beaten up, go for it, but it’s not what God intended. If you understand how he thinks, you can try to get around it. Tell him you want to share your dreams, not defend them. Tell him you want his feedback, not why it won’t work. Explain you want to share yourself, not do mortal combat. 

If you work at it, he should get it. It may take time, and he will likely forget a few times, but he can learn not to treat you like a man.

~ Paul – I’m XY and I want my wife to live her dreams!

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

libl March 19, 2015 at 11:06 am

Paul, I”ve read this post several times over and I am not sure I get it. Are you saying if a woman shares her dreams with her hubby he sees it as some sort of challenge?

My own husband used to get defensive because he felt like I was expecting him to do the work and foot the bill for my dreams. Once I learned to either clarify that it is a fantasy (never gonna happen, but it is nice to visit that inner happy place once in a while), a hope (something I would like to do in the future like after the children grow), or a vision (something I am actually working on/towards right now), then he put his defensiveness down.

Now, it usually isn’t a battlefield.

On the same token, fighting in a man’s world has made me a stronger, more confident woman.

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Paul Byerly March 20, 2015 at 10:54 am

I think men see most things as potential challenges – which is not bad. I am daily challenged to be better, to grow, to improve.
I like your fantasy, hope, vision clarification, very helpful.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Friday Flashback: For Her Body OnlyMy Profile

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