A month ago in Why Isn’t This a Thing? I asked why couples don’t use manual sex to help deal with mismatched sex drives. This would work regardless of which spouse has the higher drive, but I was mostly thinking about it for husbands with higher drives. The article included a survey, and the survey results can now be found on The Marriage Bed.
There were some interesting results from the survey.
- Regular handjobs for hubby are rare: 10% of couples say they do it once a week, and 5% more than once a week. About a quarter are doing it a couple of times a month.
- The number one reason women gave for not doing it, or not doing it more often, was “He gets all he wants” – chosen by 42% of women. This may be accurate for those who answered the survey, but it’s not what men report. Seventy-eight percent of the men said they would like to receive, or receive more, handjobs.
- The second most common reason women don’t do it, or don’t do it often, was “I don’t know how to do it well”. This answer was selected by 20% of all women, and by 43% of the women not doing handjobs. (Maybe this needs to be my first how-to article.)
- Twelve percent of women said they had never thought about it or discussed it. A few indicated they would bring it up because of the article and survey!
- Eleven percent of women said, “Sex should be about more than physical release”. I agree with this 100%, but not enough physical release is a big problem for many men, and taking care of his need is both a good plan and a loving act. Besides, a handjob need not be just physical.
- Only 5% of the men said they do not want handjobs. Forty-three percent of these men said, “Just not that great” while thirty-one percent said, “I feel it lets her off the hook sexually”.
Bottom Line: Only one man in 20 has no interest in receiving a handjob, while four out of five would really like it. If he ever wants sex when you don’t, this seems like a good compromise. Likewise if you want sex when he doesn’t. If either of these is the case in your marriage, how about discussing this as a possible partial solution?