Why Does My Husband…

March 23, 2015

in Uncategorized

I was asking myself what women want to know about their husbands, so I went to Google and typed in “why does my husband” to see what their auto complete would show.

 Why does my husband... © google.com

I was a bit surprised burp (or other forms of gas expulsion) did not make the top five. Of course, that would be easy compared to what did come up!

I’m going to do my best to answer those over the next two weeks. I’m also open to your “Why does my husband…” questions. Comment below, or hit the comment form (enter fake@email.com if you wish to remain anonymous).

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Paul & Lori Byerly
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

sunny-dee March 23, 2015 at 8:29 am

I think something has broken down in how my husband and I communicate, or at least how I can say things that he “gets.” I’ve asked myself all of these but lie — and I swear, on a few recent conversations, that my husband has absolutely no clue.

Like, take sex. (Which is maybe the safest?) We’ve had sex once since January; six times total since November. We’ve only been married a year and a half. I have literally begged for sex. Never, not once in 18 months, have we had sex when I asked. It’s once every 10 days (and that frequency is dropping), and only on days that meet certain criteria, with little flexibility. My husband has on multiple occasions said that he has to “force” himself to sleep with me, that he doesn’t have “honeymoon feelings” about me, that he doesn’t associate “sex” with me at all, the last couple of times we had sex he mentioned that it had been a long time “for me” (not for him?). Even little things — he never cuddles, he immediately rolls out of bed and takes a shower. Every. Single. Time. Doesn’t make me feel super valued.

But I mentioned something last night, and he was completely floored at the idea that I thought he didn’t enjoy sex with me. He kept saying, “well, that’s making me feel bad,” when I was surprised that he said he wanted to have sex soon.

And I don’t want to make him feel bad …. but, geeze Louise, what else am I supposed to think? And, when I have brought this up a dozen times in the last year, how does he not see it?

I’m actually serious about that. A wire has to have gotten crossed somewhere.

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sunny-dee March 23, 2015 at 8:31 am

Oh, to be clear — a wire has gotten crossed in how I or we communicate, not in my husband’s brain. :)

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Paul Byerly March 23, 2015 at 11:12 am

Clearly you are not understanding his feeling or reality, and it’s great the two of you now know that. Now you can work on communicating what’s really going on.
Paul Byerly recently posted…A Dream Marriage?My Profile

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anonymous on this one, please March 23, 2015 at 1:08 pm

I had a question I wanted to ask, but you know what – I asked my husband instead. I wanted to know why, when I give OS, he goes bananas, which he does not do with PIV, but he says he likes PIV better. He said that the OS is an ‘ecstatic’ experience but the PIV is more satisfying, we hold one another, etc. He makes so much noise during OS that the neighbors must think I’m killing him, and I worry about that myself, LOL! Is this normal? I like it, by the way.

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libl March 25, 2015 at 9:51 am

A good natured LOL! Normal! And be thankful. I love getting OS. It is ecstasy. I love piv, too, but it is more sensual than ecstasy. The climaxes are different. Unfortunately, my DH 10 years into our marriage has removed OS from our love making. I miss it greatly.

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Paul Byerly March 26, 2015 at 10:53 am

Had another question about oral via e-mail. I’ll add it to the post list.
Paul Byerly recently posted…The Plan and The PleaMy Profile

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Laura June 23, 2015 at 10:40 am

my question please

Why does my husband expect me to give 100 times to his 1 & then claim he does more giving than he actually does?

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Paul Byerly June 23, 2015 at 3:01 pm

@Laura I suppose the first question is if he actually feels he gives more. If so the two of you are not keeping score the same way. We generally count what matters to us far more than what is less important to us. This would mean he values what you do for him less than you value it, while you value what he does for you less than he does.
Paul Byerly recently posted…How Often Does Your Marriage Need Time Away?My Profile

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