Why Does My Husband Blame Me for Everything?

April 1, 2015

in Uncategorized

I have to admit I’ve seen this in more than a few men. A couple is always late, and he privately blames his wife – never mind he’s late when he goes somewhere alone. He excuses himself from helping out because “my wife had a list of things for me to do.” So many things he can’t do because of his wife, so many things going wrong because of his wife. You have to wonder why he puts up with the woman! Or maybe we should wonder why she puts up with him always blaming her!

Man blaming his wife © lightwavemedia | dollarphotoclub.com

Blame is a basic human thing. Kids do it on the playground; adults do it on the job. We think we can avoid looking bad by making someone else look bad. Or, at least we hope we can confuse the situation enough to not be seen as badly as we deserve to be seen. I see this from both genders, but honestly, I’m more aware of it from men than from women. Don’t know if my take is accurate, but this is what I see.

A big reason we blame is fear. Fear of punishment, consequences, or looking bad. We are social creatures, and “losing face” is a major thing we avoid at all cost – even if the cost is throwing our spouse under the bus!

Ultimately, this comes down to not dealing with our own stuff. Wisdom and maturity teach us to own our mistakes and go on. It’s never easy, but it’s the best for all concerned. Strangely, some folks do this in one area but not others. An executive may be all over admitting his errors at work, but all about blaming his wife for other ways he falls short.

There is another possibility here. In the past I was generally timely when I went somewhere without Lori, and a hair late when we went places together. However, it was not her fault. Most of the time she was ready and waiting on me! I managed my time differently when I was going somewhere with her. I’m not sure why, I just know I did. It wasn’t her fault, but her being involved changed something in my thinking. I can see how it would have been easy to blame her.

If you want to address this, I’d say something like “I feel you use me to excuse yourself, and it hurts me.” Have a few examples ready.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m work at owning my own stuff!

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Jim Van Handel April 1, 2015 at 5:37 am

Me toooooo….. Her cooking ……


El Fury April 1, 2015 at 12:26 pm

Handling responsibility for things is sure hard. A few thoughts:

1. Avoid assigning any blame to anyone unless it’s really necessary to fix a serious, recurring problem.

2. If you have to assign blame, first consider that both parties probably deserve a share. Even if the other person “started it”, both people are responsible for the aftermath.

3. When you’re primarily at fault, admit it quickly. It’s way easier to admit fault immediately than to do so after six months of passive aggressive fighting.

4. When your spouse is primarily at fault, attempt to confront the matter directly rather than passively. Direct but delicate. Reaffirm your love. Give your spouse a graceful way out, if possible. Forgive quickly and move on.
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Paul Byerly April 2, 2015 at 11:01 am

1) Spot on. Even when it is someone’s fault, it’s not always necessary to make that point.

2) And it always helps to own our part fully,

3) Amen!

4) All excellent.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Help Her Help Herself: Time UseMy Profile


Mike S. April 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm

Didn’t Adam blame Eve back in the beginning? (Genesis 3:20)


Paul Byerly April 2, 2015 at 10:59 am

Yup, it’s a long and no so proud history!
Paul Byerly recently posted…Help Her Help Herself: Time UseMy Profile


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