You would think if a woman never said no to sex, her husband would be thrilled, right? Not so.
I hear from men who know they can have sex any time it’s reasonable, yet they don’t ask long after they really want it because they want their wife to do the asking. I also hear from women who don’t say no frustrated because their husband keeps asking them to initiate.
Why does it matter so much to him who asks as long as he has sex?
- He wants to be desired. He wants you to want him sexually. For him sexual desire is a compliment, and he want to both give and receive the compliment.
- He needs to know you want sex too. There’s a story of a couple talking to a counsellor. She says “I never said no to sex” and he replies, “You never said yes either”. Sex is relational, which means it’s just no fun when only one person is enjoying it.
- He wants to be seduced. He wants you to tease and arouse him. Sometimes hours before the sex, sometimes in a “right now” sort of way.
- Initiating is risky. Even if you say yes most of the time, asking for sex is risky. Even if you haven’t said no in a long time, he may recall when you did. When you ask, he’s not putting himself at risk.
- He wants it to be when and how you want it. If you initiate, sex will be when you want it. If you do more than just asking and suggest how you want to have sex, he knows you’re doing it the way you really want to do it.
- He wants to be pampered. Most men (99% I suspect) want sex occasionally to be just about them. Asking for such sex defeats the purpose!
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I love it when she asks for sex!
Related: Julie of Intimacy in Marriage has a post along the same lines in The Sexiest Thing You Can Do for Your Husband. Check it out.