Show Him the Sex!

May 22, 2015

in Uncategorized

The results of our Watch Your Spouse Masturbate? survey were as expected – 90% of men would like to, and only 4% flat said no to it. The comments are revealing:

  • It is a turn on and makes me feel closer to her when she does.
  • It’s hot, hot, hot….
  • I would like to actually see that she is a sexual being!
  • As a man I am naturally visually stimulated by this… such a beautiful and passionate act in the confines of marriage where husband and wife can experience it together is a bonding time.
  • When I watch my wife masturbate I learn more about her. It’s just such a turn on.
  • She says she does not want to “put on a show” for me. I crave her as the “show”.
  • What could be more intimate than seeing your spouse pleasure themselves for you.
  • Holy cow. Hottest thing ever!!!

I know most women don’t get it on this issue. Some women would like to watch their husband masturbate out of curiosity, and some find it a bit arousing, but few think of it as the huge turn on most men do.

Men Are Visual

We’ve all heard men are visual when it comes to sex. In recent years, there have been many people trying to say women are just as visual. Certainly, women are visual about sex, but not in the same way, and not to the same degree. Men react to female nudity far, far more strongly than women react to male nudity. When the woman is intentionally nude for him, the impact is even stronger. When she’s doing something sexual for his viewing, it’s even more powerful.

Woman unbuttoning her shirt © stockyimages |

If you understand this, you can really thrill your husband. Flashing him a peek of a sexual part of your body does more for him than you can imagine. Aside from arousing him, it makes him feel loved, understood, and appreciated. You’re giving to him in a very special way, and he will appreciate it greatly. You can go even further by touching yourself a bit. Something as simple as making one of your nipples stiff will have a huge effect on him.  

As I write this, I can imagine some fellow commenting he looks at porn because his wife refuses to show her body or do anything sexy while he watches. I don’t accept this as justification for a man to look at porn, but I will confirm it probably increases his temptation. He has a strong desire to see female nudity and sexuality, and if his wife isn’t feeding that he’s at greater risk of giving in to the temptation of porn. I’m not telling you to show him something to keep him out of porn, but there’s a grain of reality in such a comment. 

Body Image

This post would be incomplete without a word on body image. Your husband isn’t nearly as hung up about your body as you are. He knows you’re not perfect, and he knows you don’t look like the surgically and Photoshoped modified women of porn. Honestly, he doesn’t care. You have things porn women don’t – like his love and desire. Additionally, you love him. If you want him and are available sexually, no other woman can even come close in his mind. 

If you want to thrill your husband while validating his masculinity, show him your sexuality.

~ Paul – My wife is XX, and she knows how to show it!

ADDENDUM: I’m writing this addition from Pendleton Oregon, where we are spending the night on our first away trip in the fifth wheel. A huge thanks to those of you who have given to help this become a reality. We are now at 62% of our total goal. If you want to help, we are asking for small donations – the cost of a cup of coffee. Send cash to the address below, or see here for giving on-line.

Paul & Lori Byerly
PO Box 2166
Deer Park, WA, 99006-2166

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

DC May 22, 2015 at 5:41 am

Agree 100% here! My husband said it was one of his fantasies, so I’ve done it for him several times. It was really nerve wrecking the first few times, but now it’s nothing. I would hate to be one of those women married to a man who didn’t like that. I’d never orgasm if so! That’d be sad. :(


libl May 22, 2015 at 5:48 am

My hubby isn’t interested. I’ve done it before, but he just rolled over and went to sleep. He has no interest in watching me masturbate. Thankfully, though it is because he wants to be with me. PIV is His absolute favorite. I can’t fault him for that, but it would be fun to do a little more.


Hiswifeagain May 22, 2015 at 7:31 am

I stumbled on something just last night that might help a wife that wants to do this, but is having trouble because of embarrassment. I would be happy to share it here, but don’t know how much information about technique you want shared here. It’s a way of giving him at least some of the visual, but the wife is actually touching him rather than herself.


Paul Byerly May 22, 2015 at 8:33 am

We’re all adults here, go for it.
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Hiswifeagain May 22, 2015 at 9:52 pm

Husband lying on his side facing wife. Wife drapes her leg that is closest to him over his hip and the other leg over his lower legs. His groin will then be under and between her legs. She can then reach down between her legs to stroke him. Her arm or wrist will be resting on her mons as she fondles him and it appears that she’s pleasuring herself. This might be a way for her to get used to the idea of letting him watch. Sorry if I’m not describing this well. I don’t know how explain it better. It was just an observation we noticed while snuggling and then you wrote about it today, so it seemed a shame not share it. :)


Eryn May 27, 2015 at 8:11 pm

As an abuse survivor, this sounds like a good idea to me! I go into a panic attack when I have to touch myself in front of my sweetie, but this seems like a good compromise. I know it would be easy to just not go there, however, I believe that for me it is an important part of my healing process and one that I am happy to share with my husband as he patiently waits for me to be ready. I feel like articles leave out cases like mine. Thanks for this idea!


Paul Byerly May 27, 2015 at 10:06 pm

Very nice – thanks!
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IntimacySeeker May 22, 2015 at 7:32 am

I think it was someone who commented on Laura Schlessinger’s book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” who wrote about a wife’s confidence in her femininity and sexuality NURTURING her husband’s masculine and sexual wellbeing. That resonates with me in a very positive way. This post made me think of those words.

Your comments about body image are spot on. My husband loves my body because he loves me and my body is part of the package. And I love my body because of all I can experience.


Paul Byerly May 22, 2015 at 8:34 am

Being with a woman who is confident about her sexuality is an awesome thing!
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Jerry Stumpf May 23, 2015 at 10:31 am

Glad to hear you are on your “maiden voyage”! Hope any of the kinks or issues to come to the surface will be shown on this trip.

To the topic, isn’t it curious how bound up couples are even in this “enlightened age” and since you can share such personal intimacy with your life partner.

Not being comfortable is certainly a personal preferance yet if my wife wanted to do this to liven up our sex life, why not accomadate her? I can fully understand if a woman has had childhood abuse or negative parental teachings.

Hopefull this will open more intimate conversations.

Thanks Paul & Lori for tackling such critical and sensitive issues.


Paul Byerly May 28, 2015 at 10:11 am

Thanks my friend. We had a fairly good test run. Plenty of kinks and issues, but nothing horrible!
Women can be horribly tied up over sex. It’s more common in our generation, but we see it in young women to, especially those brought up in a restrictive environment.
Paul Byerly recently posted…My Place in the StoryMy Profile


Jerry Stumpf May 23, 2015 at 10:33 am

It is also a way to teach a new husband what a wife enjoys and how she likes to be touched.
Jerry Stumpf recently posted…2 secret techniques to stimulate your marriageMy Profile


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