Last week over on The Generous Husband, I wrote a post entitled Happy Wife, Happy Life? in which I suggested this common bit of “wisdom” is neither biblical nor a good to a good marriage. One of you who double dips my blogs suggested I should say something about this over here.
My wonderful wife has always hated the saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy”. She sees it as an indication the mother/wife is holding the family hostage to her feelings and happiness.
I’m all about doing everything reasonable to help our spouse feel good. The important word there is reasonable. Among other things, reasonable means not violating the wisdom and truth God has given us in His word.
I’ve mentioned before some men give in because they don’t know how to say no without displaying anger or pushing so hard they fear they’ll hurt their wife. I think this is often because the man has the wrong idea women are “emotionally fragile” and easily broken. Most of us have seen women who act this way, and we get plenty of examples in the media. A man who’s had the misfortune of dating a woman like this way will be especially cautious.
I think some women play this up because it helps them get their way. In the past, it may have been one of the few ways for a woman to get what she wanted or needed, and it may be a cultural habit for some. However, as with any manipulation, it comes with a price, and it doesn’t build a happy, healthy marriage.
If you feel your happiness is your husband’s responsibility, your marriage is in trouble. Likewise if he feels your happiness is his responsibility. If you want a grown up marriage, do everything you can to make sure he knows you don’t hold him responsible for how you feel or how happy you are.
A great thought in the comments on my TGH article:
“I have learned that it works better to ask for his input BEFORE offering mine. He is more likely to share his true feelings if he is not concerned about disagreeing with me.” ~ IntimacySeeker
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I no longer fear my wife being unhappy.
Note: You can buy the t-shirt above in an assortment of colours.