Why is the Church Afraid of Sex?

June 1, 2015

in Uncategorized

I recently ran across an article on a major Christina web site (which shall remain nameless) entitled something similar to, “Top 10 things your husband wants to hear you say.” Care to guess how many of those ten was in any way sexual? The answer is zero.

Trust me, most men’s top ten list of things they want to hear from their wife has more than a couple of explicitly sexual statements.

I see this all the time. It’s scary how often marriage articles cover a number of issues but skip any mention of sex. I’ve also seen several (otherwise) exceptional pre-marriage courses which don’t mention sex. Yes, really! 

Fake church sign © Says-it.com

I’m not saying sex is the most important thing in marriage, but leaving it out entirely is just weird. It’s also not at all in line with what God has to say in the Bible. The church is afraid of sex. Many want to pretend it doesn’t exist, while others want to keep it hidden away. No wonder we have so many sexual problems in the church!

It is getting better, but there’s still plenty of resistance. Yesterday I talked with a couple who were pushed out of their church for sharing various posts about sex on their social media account. They were sharing things from good solid blogs – biblical, marriage centred advice. They had people thanking them for doing it, but someone at their church got upset. What followed was a witch-hunt, complete with innuendo, character assassination, and outright lies. In the end, encouraging a healthy, Godly sex life was found to be incompatible with the self-perceived best interest of the church.

Odds are it’s not as bad in your church, but there are almost certainly pockets of anti-sex sentiment and resistance to any mention of sex in any church. Not talking about sex doesn’t prevent sexual sin, it encourages it. Ignoring the reality of sex in marriage doesn’t make marriages better, it hurts them. Silence about sex doesn’t keep kids pure, it pushes them into sexual sin. 

What part can you play in all this? How can you be more sex positive? How can you resit those who want to make sex a forbidden subject in church?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m not afraid to talk about sex!

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Jerry Stumpf June 1, 2015 at 10:53 am

There are so many recognised “experts” that suggest, as does Dr. Willard Harley, that sex for a husband ranks as one of the top three emotional (and I would say physical needs). Many wives are also trying to express their sexual needs to a husband who often feels too embarrased to talk about sex.

When I have preached about marriage and yes I mentioned sex from the pulpit, many of the parents have appreciated my thoughts. I said this is a way to have an honest discussion with their children or with each other about a Biblical subject and if they feel a bit embarrased, that could even just open the discussion with, “So what did you think about Jerry’s lesson today?”

As a former atheist, it has always seemed strange to me that Christians are letting the world teach our children about many issues, sex being one of them. As a husband, I want my wife to realize where our sexual intimacy fits into our marriage.

Husbands and wives please speak with each other about how important your sexual activities within your own marriage are to you.

Thanks again Paul.
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Paul Byerly June 1, 2015 at 11:15 am

@Jerry Stumpf – I think the person who teaches a kid about the biology of sex is the one who gets to teach them about the morality of sex. This means we must start talking to our kids about sex early, and we must keep talking, including about things we wish they did not have to know.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Marriages are Destroyed for Lack of KnowledgeMy Profile


libl June 1, 2015 at 1:16 pm

I recently was told, “sex doesn’t belong in the church,” meaning it isn’t the job of the pastor to discuss sex in the pulpit.

The problem is, the bad and the ugly is discussed too much and the good not at all. Rehab, David and Bathsheba, the adulterous woman….what about the Shulamite and her beloved? What about Abraham sporting with Sarah (or was it Isaac and Rebecca)?

Sex is private, but it isn’t secret. The more we shove biblical sexuality in the closet, the more sinful sexuality will spill out.


Paul Byerly June 1, 2015 at 1:35 pm

@libl – I guess someone needs to tell God sex does not belong in the church, as He seems to have a different idea!
Paul Byerly recently posted…Marriages are Destroyed for Lack of KnowledgeMy Profile


Coriander November 8, 2015 at 8:55 pm

The church is afraid of sex because it senses that sex is a force of nature without morals of its own, like wind and tide, sharks, lions and tigers and bears. Some people react to such things with fear and loathing because they haven’t yet learned to regard them with the wary respect they deserve.

The church is afraid of sex because so much of Christianity has been about transcendence from the flesh and from the earth, and sex is of the flesh and of the earth. It’s also innately unfair. It’s beastly hard to manage, bringing chaos and confusion into the placid order that people seek in their visions of heaven.

That’s not to say that it can’t be managed, or bridled to give a sensual component that can benefit a Christian marriage. But doing that requires more work and more risk.


Paul Byerly November 9, 2015 at 7:19 pm

@Coriander “wary respect ” – well said!
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