Do you get enough talk with your husband? Not just words, but real conversations of substance and depth. Most women would say no, and many would say “not even close!” This is one of the most common complaints women have about their marriages.
My wife has never had this problem. If anything, she has wondered how to get me to shut up! I actually used to ask her “What are you thinking about.” So I’m with you ladies on this, conversation is exceptionally important! This is true not just for your well-being, but for the health of your marriage. Failure to communicate means you have no idea what your spouse wants or needs. It sets you both up for assumption-based problems.
I would say most men would be happy with less real talk than is needed for the health of their marriage. Most women on the other hand would like far more talk than is necessary for a good marriage. Finding the middle ground is important, but it’s not just about how much you talk. You need to discuss certain logistical things like who is taking the kids where and have we paid this bill, but the need is much greater. You both need to share your hopes and dreams along with your fears and disappointments. You have to share enough to know each other in depth. This is an ongoing process because each of you is growing and changing.
If you and your husband are going to talk less than you would like, you need to be sure your conversation time covers the important things. If you burn him out with less important issues, he’ll no longer be listening when you get to what he needs to know. Gender plays a part here because women tend to do warm up conversation before getting to the deep stuff.
How can you communicate what your husband needs to hear in a reasonable amount of time? How can you encourage him to do the same with you?
Along these lines, if you’ve not seen Jay and Laura Laffoon’s sketch How About a Little Conversation?, do check it out.
~ Paul – I’m XY, but I talk like I’m XX!