When We Understand

July 1, 2015

in Uncategorized

A couple of days ago I was talking with Lori the Lovely as I was making our lunch smoothies (chocolate strawberry/raspberry with spinach, banana, and Greek yogurt). She suddenly shushed me, jumped up, and made a note on her computer. (In an RV everything is next to everything else!)

Shhh © sharpshutter22 | dollarphotoclub.com

She apologised as she sat down, but there was no need. Our discussion had sparked an idea for a Generous Wife post, and she wanted to get it down before she lost it. I get it because I blog too. Coming up with ideas is often the hardest part of the job, and when you have an idea everything stops till you have it on paper (or the computer). 

If I didn’t blog, I might be miffed at her stopping me in mid-sentence to write down her thoughts. I could focus on how often she does it and build up resentment. Our shared experience means we both understand and it eliminates any possible frustration.

I suspect this is a common issue for couples in places where only one does something. The other doesn’t understand the mental and emotional challenges of whatever. They don’t “get it”, they misunderstand, and they judge their spouse’s actions based on their own reality.

If you’re on the receiving end of this anywhere in your marriage, explaining your reality might help. If you think you might be doing this to your hubby, ask him to explain his reality. Believe him the way you want him to believe you.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I enjoy my little reality very much.

A couple great blog posts I’ve seen recently:

Q&A: His Past Porn Habit Makes It Hard to Know What’s Okay | Hot, Holy & Humorous 
Are Friends Destroying Sex in Your Marriage? | Intimacy in Marriage 

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

sunny-dee July 1, 2015 at 7:56 am

One weird thing with me and my husband was a difference in vernacular. He would say he was going to do something (try a new restaurant, visit a friend, whatever) and I would say something like “you have to tell me what happens with X.” I mean it as an expression of interest — I want to know what his friend is up to or what the new restaurant is like — but he would get irritated and say something like “I don’t have to do that. Quit telling me what to do.” But my intent wasn’t to be bossy.

That may not make sense. But the shushing thing makes me think of that.


Paul Byerly July 1, 2015 at 8:40 pm

@sunny-dee – Makes perfect sense. And it’s annoyingly difficult to change something you say like that because it’s such a habit!
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T July 2, 2015 at 8:00 pm

“Lori the Lovely” I love it. My absolute favorite part of your blog is how much you love your wife.


Paul Byerly July 3, 2015 at 10:46 am

@T What’s not to love? She’s a great lady!
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Lori Byerly July 3, 2015 at 10:04 pm

It’s one of my favorite parts too. :)
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