This is a practical example of my last post, His Past is Still Alive. Last week while Lori and I were working on the RV, I found myself feeling she was not showing me due appreciation for what I was doing. (I don’t recall now exactly what I was doing, I think it had something to do with getting us working air conditioning before our heat wave of 100° F plus days [38° C for the rest of the world].
I also had the presence of mind to see I was wrong. She was showing me more than a reasonable amount of appreciation. I was feeling something that was not about the current situation, so it had to be coming from my past.
My mother wasn’t big on showing appreciation. After her death I learned from a mutual friend that my mother was afraid showing us too much love, appreciation, or encouragement would give us big heads and hurt us. Still, as a kid, I never felt my mom appreciated me, and it hurt. It created a hole in me, and I naturally turned to my wonderful wife to fill the hole.
I suspect feeling underappreciated is a common struggle for men. In addition to misguided or unloving parents, parts of our society treat men as a necessary evil – at best. In truth a lot of men don’t get the appreciation they should.
Think and pray about this and your husband. Does he show signs of feeling underappreciated? Are you showing him as much appreciation as you should? If you are, you can’t fix his appreciation hole by showing more, but you might be able to help him see how others have failed to show him due appreciation. This shows you’re on his side, and it might help him look at how his past is hurting him today.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m learning to deal with my current reality.
Love Like a Woman: Should Your Sexual Response Be Like Your Husband’s? | The Forgiven Wife ◄ A must read!