Last Friday I told you What Sexual Generosity Mean to a Man. The logical question then is how he defines sexual generosity.
Let’s start with what it doesn’t mean. Assuming he is a loving, decent, good willed man, it does not mean you say yes every time he asks or hints for sex. It does not mean you do everything he asks for, and it certainly does not mean you sacrifice your sexual enjoyment for his.
In general, generosity is about giving someone more than is necessary. It’s going beyond what’s seen as acceptable or sufficient.
- So yes, sexual generosity means sex more often than he needs to feel satisfied. Sometimes it’s just a bit more, other times it might be a lot more.
- Generosity also means going beyond basic sex. Don’t feel you have to go way beyond your comfort level. Wear something more daring, start foreplay on the couch, or tell him while driving home on date night what you want to do with him in bed when you get home. If you never do oral, fifteen seconds of oral play right before intercourse is very much generosity.
- Generosity also looks like you going after him sexually. Always saying yes is good, and sometimes initiating is very good. Please note I’m not asking you to pretend something you don’t feel. If you never feel arousal until foreplay is well under way, then whisper in his ear, “I want you to turn me on.” You can also initiate sex just for him, if his drive is higher. Grab him first thing in the morning, get him aroused, and tell him he has three minutes to climb on and enjoy himself. Or jump in the shower with him and wash him till he climaxes.
- Sexual generosity very much looks like expressing your enjoyment of sex to him. Many women find this difficult or embarrassing, which makes it rare and even more appreciated. If the spoken word fails you, try writing a note or sending a text. A dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror is especially effective.
By definition, none of this is required; it’s all a generous extra above and beyond the minimum. However, if you want to be generous…
~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife is a generous wife in every way!