I realise his teenage years are in his past, but understanding how puberty was for him will give you some insight into how he thinks and feels about sex. (And if you have a son it may terrify you, sorry about that.)
When you approached puberty, you had a host of hormones doing a monthly dance through your life, twisting you in a great many directions. Your husband had only one hormone to deal with but it surged relentlessly. The level of testosterone in his body went up tenfold in very short time, and the effects were radical and confusing.
- Girls suddenly change, becoming fascinating and a bit scary. Girls are no longer to be avoided. Impressing them becomes important, which is a problem since we have no idea how to impress them. If we like a girl, just being near her results in breaking out in a sweat and becoming unable to speak.
- His penis developed a mind of its own. I know some adult men blame their actions on their penis, but this is not what I mean. During the early years of puberty, the penis has an annoying way of getting erect when we don’t want it to. Any random sexual thought or hint of a girl’s sexual parts is enough to get it going. Sometimes it erects for no discernible reason, like the bell ringing to go to our next class. Thinking about it makes it worse, and not thinking about it is almost impossible. Every pubescent boy would give anything to have an off switch for his penis!
- He was horny 24/7. When I say horny, I mean something you have never felt. Having an orgasm only blunts, not ends it. Most 15-year-old boys could masturbate half a dozen times a day, and plenty tried at least a few times.
- He felt aggressive all the time. Testosterone fuels sex drive and aggression. (Really God, why is that a good idea?) Fights, rebellion, and obstinacy become knee jerk reactions. Some boys control it better than others do, but we all feel it.
- Doing stupid, destructive things suddenly seemed like a really good idea. Frankly it’s amazing most of us made it to adulthood. I think we lose a sane fear of death. Jumping off tall things seems like a wise plan, and poking a snake with a stick seems perfectly safe. Some of this crazy behaviour is fuelled by the desire to impress girls, but we do stupid things when there are no girls to be seen.
As he reaches his late teens some of this starts to fall off, but most of us struggle with these things in one way or another through our 20’s and beyond. As the urges lessen our self-control increases, and on balance, we become outwardly sane.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I wouldn’t do puberty again for millions of dollars!
LAST DAY: We end our Send Us Out With a Cup of Coffee RV fundraiser today. We are at 95% right now – thanks so much! I’ll give you a final report next week after we collect the last few mailed donations. You can give online, or send a few dollars to:
Paul & Lori Byerly
PO Box 2166
Deer Park, WA, 99006-2166