Does your husband fear he’s a pervert? If he’s a decent guy he probably does. He may never share this fear with you, why put ideas in your mind?
I put “Are all men perverts” in Google and got over a million web pages back. A quick scan of the results suggests most of the pages answer the question “yes”. One of the kinder answers was:
“Not all men are perverts. Probably over 90% but that’s pretty much just natural.”
It’s enough to give a guy a complex. Either that, or decide it’s inevitable and just go with it.
The problem is we as a society are defining things in more and more feminine ways. To some degree, this is a good thing, as we have traditionally defined things in much too masculine a way. The error of both ways is trying to put men and women in the same box. When we judge men based on what is normal for most women, men fail. (Just as women fail when we judge them based on what is normal for most men.)
Most men think about sex far more often than most women do. This is not proof they are over-sexed; it proves God gave men a stronger drive. Most men can’t see nudity or near nudity without being affected, while most women often can. Again, this is not about being perverted, it’s about being male. Many men would have sex twice a day until they were 50 if they could, and they would engage in far more variety than most women would ever consider. These things are also a function of the sexuality God put in men.
Sure all these things can be twisted and perverted, but we’ve started applying the label perverted to things which are God inspired and blessed. If God called it good, I think it is unwise for us to call it bad.
Does all of this help you see why any self-aware decent guy would worry he might be a pervert? Within him are desires many would call perverted. He may have a few things that cross the line, and he may not, but most of what he fears is perverted probably is not.
If you want to help your hubby, try saying any (or all) of the following from time to time.
- “For the record, I don’t think you’re a pervert.”
- “I enjoy your sex drive.”
- “I like your penis and what you do with it.”
- “I’m glad you have such a strong sex drive.”
- “Your sexuality blesses me.”
Personalise and build on those – it will bless him immensely.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife does not think I’m a pervert.
BTW: One of the articles that came up in my search was by my friend Sheila of to Love Honor and Vacuum. Give All Men Are Perverts: Lies We Believe About Men a read.