Recently one of you asked, “Why does work win?”
Why does he choose work over his wife and family? Why would he rather be at work than be home? Why does he work from home into the early morning?
For most men marriage is not the same way. They don’t understand their wife or what she wants. Doing the same things four times results in three different results. It seems effort is not rewarded, or is only rewarded sometimes, and there seems to be no correlation between how hard he works at the marriage and how much he is rewarded.
Some of this is about gender differences and misunderstanding. In some marriages, some of it is because there are no solid rules, and no sure “reward” for effort. How much of each is at play in your marriage is for you to figure out. If you have ever not told him something “because he should know” please understand you are causing problems. He’s not a woman and he doesn’t understand many things your girlfriends get intuitively. His not knowing isn’t a sign he doesn’t care, it’s a sign he’s not female.
Most men want to bless their wives. They want to give her what she wants and needs, and they want her to feel happy and secure. Give a man a solid plan for making those things reality and he will attack it with gusto. Encourage him and give him constructive feedback, and he’ll keep at it. Just be blunt and clear; assume he is deaf to hints and unable to discern nuance.
Related: Chris over at The Forgiven Wife has a great post on this – Do You Let Your Emotional Wounds Fester?
~ Paul – I’m XY, and women baffle me at times.