I’ve had more than one man tell me facebook (or some other form of social media) has become the other man for his wife. A couple actually said she was cheating on them with facebook. Not having an on-line affair, but spending so much time on facebook it felt like she was having an affair. Others express frustration over not being able to be with her for more than five minutes without her checking her phone. And, yes, this includes women who use their phone right after or during sex.
When I Googled “facebook hurts marriages” I got almost half a million hits. This includes some scary studies done on how social media can hurt and even end marriages. It’s not in his mind, it’s a real problem.
Add to this a growing number of studies* which show heavy facebook use results in being less happy and more lonely, and these men have a very valid concern.
Please realise I’m not against social media as a whole. Lori and I use both facebook and Twitter for what we do for marriages, and they can be powerful tools for growth and healing. The issues are quantity and quality. Get small amounts of good stuff and you will do well. Get bad stuff, or too much stuff (even if it’s good) and you and your marriage will suffer.
While men are not immune to this, it is much more of a problem for women. Some have suggested this is porn for women, and given the ways it can hurt marriages, I can go with that.
I hope this warning causes you to think and maybe re-evaluate your use of social media. Like any tool, it can do good or bad; it’s how you use it that determines which.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m opposed to anything that hurts a marriage!
Facebook Use Predicts Declines in Subjective Well-Being in Young Adults | PLOS ONE
The Anti-Social Network | Slate
Here’s an Explanation for the Connection Between Facebook and Unhappiness |Science of Us