I recently read an article entitled “Why men need to relieve themselves of ‘orgasm obligation’“. A secular woman writes it from a single and dating viewpoint, so it’s not completely relevant for this group. However, it does touch on something I’ve heard from wives.
A bit of the article as a starting place:
It is time you were emancipated from Orgasm Obligation. Yes, we like them. Yes, we don’t think you should not consider our need to have them. But please, for the love of sex that is actually satisfying, dispense with this destructive desire to do sex at us until we climax, Every Single Time. We don’t have to ‘finish’ to finish. We don’t have to be coming to enjoy the going on. Just relax, and enjoy yourself, and let us enjoy ourselves, and the good sex will work itself out. Start to focus on finding the fun, and we’ll stop the un-fun business of faking it. And please, please, please, please, don’t kid yourself into thinking that our orgasm is, by definition, a sign of your sexual prowess.”
When I was young (high school and college age) I ran across men (boys actually) who thought giving their conquest an orgasm was proof of their sexual prowess. They were keeping score, and her orgasm meant major points. Fortunately, most men outgrow this thinking, and those who don’t are unlikely to marry, so this isn’t common among married men over 25.
Yes, most husbands do put a huge focus on their wife’s sexual pleasure. I can see how that could feel uncomfortable and cause problems. How is it good for him to care more about your orgasm than you do, and why would he?
Have you ever seen something, or read, or heard something, and felt you just had to share it with the man you love? It could be a sunset, a beautiful piece of music, a bit of poetry, or a brilliant concept you’d never heard before. You wanted your husband to see/hear/experience it because you love him so much. Additionally, sharing it with him makes it better for you.
Sex is this way for men. We don’t want to have sex with you, we want to share it with you. We don’t want you to enjoy it just so you’ll be more likely to do it again; we want you to enjoy it because we enjoy it. We find great pleasure and intimacy in sex, and we want the same for you. Most men would like their wife to enjoy sex even more than they do, and would go to great lengths to make this her reality.
I realise there are other areas of life where you wish your husband felt the same way. I get it, and I’m sorry if he doesn’t. I can tell you diving into sex with him is likely to cause him to want to dive into other things with you. Sex is so big for him it’s hard for him to see past it. However, when you dive in with him it’s no longer something he needs to see past, and he can start to see other things. Once he has enjoyed doing something fully with you, he will want more of the same.
~ Paul – I’m XY and I like to share music, sunsets, and sex with my wonderful wife.