Do You Even Rest, Sis?

September 14, 2015

in Uncategorized

Lori and I have spent a number of years learning to slow down and rest. The Bible tells us to do it, and science has shown us the way not doing it harms our bodies, minds, and marriages. Still it’s a struggle, even when you decide to do it. The world seems impressed by busyness. Most men, and I suspect women as well, feel lazy if they’re not far too busy.

Tired Woman © Kaspars Grinvalds |

A couple of weeks ago we had our writing day on the beach near Port Angeles WA. This was a last minute rescheduling when we learned our son’s place, where we’re staying, had been evacuated due to forest fires in the area. We needed a good Internet connection, and we were blessed to find one on short notice.

We took a break from writing to walk the beach; you can only write for so long before you stop making sense! The next morning when Lori was done with her chores she went for a stroll by herself. I loved seeing her do this. She used to feel she had to work all the time (bad tapes from growing up), and almost never stopped to enjoy life. The beach was a two-minute walk away, it would have been a crime to waste it!

Another way we stop and rest is doing “Daily Office”. This is an antiquated term for a break to be with God. Monks, nuns, and others of the like do these half a dozen times a day or more. I do two each day on a regular schedule, as this is what works for me. Lori is a bit less rigid, but also makes time to stop and be with God during her day. These breaks can be as short as a couple of minutes. We pray and read a bit of scripture or a devotional. It keeps us aware of God and what’s important, even as we busy ourselves with the necessities of life. We find it a great blessing not just as we do it, but all day long. Learning to have times of work and times of rest is a good thing!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want my wife to learn to slow down and enjoy God’s creation.

Resource: If you are interested in trying Daily Office, I suggest Daily Office, a small devotional that teaches about doing a daily office, and about rest and other important things so many of us lack.  (The Daily Office book is by Peter Scazzero, author of the great but challenging book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature)

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

libl September 16, 2015 at 5:50 am

I’ll be honest. Many times, because I don’t earn an income as a sahm, I feel like I don’t deserve rest. It is lazy. There is too much to do to afford living on one income. When I am forced to rest (my body gives out) everything falls apart. I am the only one who does many things around here, like pay bills, feed the livestock, wash dishes, do laundry, make sure schoolwork is done etc because I am the only one who cares about those things. Everyone else would be content living in a filthy hole with boxed cereal and candy, ignoring the pink notices coming in the mail.

My dh feels he deserves rest. He works his hours, so home time is largely rest time. Because I get to be home and because I leach off of his income, I feel like I have to work for it. I need new underwear and I just don’t feel worthy enough to buy them because my old underwear could technically last another 6 months to a year, threadbare, holes and all.

I wish what I did was more recognized and valued.


Henri September 17, 2015 at 8:55 am

I would ask the question is this YOUR mindset? is it because you aren’t recognized? or is it what you are being told by hubby or others?

I have some thoughts for you, but it really depends on whose mindset that you are leaching and undeserving and have to do everything all the time.


Paul Byerly September 17, 2015 at 10:34 am

@libl – It’s sad we have come to value what people do by the money it earns. Look at teachers and entertainers and tell me what they earn is a sane representation of their value to society!
I understand why your husband accepts this standard – it makes him feel good about himself and gives him a reaosn to not do things he should be doing. What I don’t understand is why you accept this standard. It’s not right, sane or biblical, and it’s makes you miserable, so I suggest you work on changing it.
Of course this could bring up other issues. If you stop feeling guilty about earning money and realise you contribute a huge amount to the good of the family, you might start expecting to be treated better.

you hav4e my prayers!
Paul Byerly recently posted…All Work and No Play…My Profile


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