What it’s Like to Own a Penis

October 7, 2015

in Uncategorized

You ever wonder what it’s like to own a penis? It’s a major part of being a man, and it has a significant impact on what and how we think. I doubt I can do it justice, but here’s my best attempt:

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  • It’s been there as long as we can remember. Unlike girl bits, ours are on the outside. Additionally it has a habit of standing up and making itself known. Long before we had any idea what it was for, we knew it was there.
  • It gives us pleasure. Before we were out of diapers, we knew touching if felt good – especially if it was hard or if we made it hard. At this age, it’s not sexual, it’s just a nice feeling.
  • It has a mind of its own. No really, it does. At puberty, it develops a habit of standing at attention whenever it wants, regardless of how embarrassing we might find it. After a few years, we gain some control, but we’re never in full control. One of the worst things is the yawn erection, which can be sudden, exceptionally hard, and persistent. Most yawns don’t cause erections, and when it does happen is seems related to being tired, not other causes of yawning. 
  • It has a mind of its own – redux. In addition to unwanted erections, we can suffer from not having a wanted erection. Most men have a few experiences with this even if they don’t have problems most of the time. Stress and fear can cause this, as can alcohol and various drugs (both prescription and street). Occasionally it happens (or should I say doesn’t happen) for no discernible reason. You want sex, you’re excited, but your penis is on strike. Even worse is when it decides its done before we do and just deflates
  • It has a mind of its own – part III. Sometimes we climax much faster than we would like. Other times it takes longer than we think it should. Some men have one or the other of these issues most or all the time, but any man can have either happen out of the blue. 
  • Being able to pee standing is convenient. On the other hand not being able to pee because we wake with a full bladder and a full erection is annoying and sometimes painful. 
  • Despite all this, we really like our penises. Many men enjoy touching it even when we’re not feeling sexual. It feels good; not really sexual good, but good..
  • Erections feel great. Just being erect feels pleasurable. Pressing an erection against something feels better. Pressing it against our wife is great. Having her touch it in any way is the best.

I’m sure some men will differ with bits of this to some degree, but I suspect most will resonate with the vast majority of it. If you want first hand info from your hubby this post might be a great conversation starter.

~ Paul – I’m XY and I hope this in not TMI!

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymous October 7, 2015 at 11:02 am

One of the best things about coming into marriage with no experience has been learning about this mysterious guy plumbing! It amuses my husband quite a bit to educate me.


Paul Byerly October 7, 2015 at 12:39 pm

@Anonymous – It would be wonderful if this was the norm, and for both spouses.
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Mitzi October 7, 2015 at 2:45 pm

I am a woman. And I don’t know how this information would make most women feel but it makes me angry and cheated. Mainly because I want to be theONLY reason my husband ever has an erection. I know there is nothing I can do about it, but I’m just saying I as a wife feel extremely cheated that I am not the only reason my husband has an erection!

Ps Baby girls touch themselves for pleasure also!


Paul Byerly October 7, 2015 at 4:20 pm

@Mitzi – I understand what you are saying, but God seemed to have other ideas. Men get erections during every dream, and there is no way to prevent it. Women also experience sexual arousal during every dream, but are less likely to be aware of it if they wake during the dream.
And yes, baby girls do touch too.
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Blessed Wife October 7, 2015 at 5:38 pm

My comment is twofold. First, something you said was kind of like a light bulb going on for me. You said, “In addition to unwanted erections, we can suffer from not having a wanted erection…Stress and fear can cause this…most men have a few experiences with this even if they don’t have problems most of the time.” This has been the case in my marriage since the first week. At first I thought it would get better as we became more experienced (for one thing I thought maybe I just didn’t know how to excite him, or he was nervous or expecting too much of himself, or something) and more comfortable with one another and he felt he could trust me. But as time has gone by and the situation has not improved (even though sex certainly has!!), I thought more and more he must just not have as high of a sex drive as I do. He just must not want me as often or as deeply as I want him. So of course he must have a low libido!? However, that’s somewhat contrary to what he’s voicing, because often he tells me I’m sexy, and that he loves to make love to me; but so often there’s also no physical “proof” in confirmation, and it is hard to believe the words alone. Then he’ll say things like I’m sorry, I’m tired; or a comment about work or stress, so we go to sleep (usually, me with silent tears); and I just feel like he’s making excuses and doesn’t truly want me at all. But what you said helps me a little to realize, he probably really DOES wish he could make love to me, and his body isn’t cooperating. It’s true that he does a lot of times come back the next night and things work out, so I can see that. But then here’s the second part, what if it IS most of the time? Would weariness and stress alone cause this to be an ongoing problem for a couple of years? And what can I do to help, since maybe he “wants to” and can’t? I try to build him up and speak often to him and others of the things I appreciate and admire about him, I tell him how good he feels when we do have sex, I pray for him and this aspect of our marriage, I’ve even asked him if there’s something I have done – or not done – that has hindered us or something I could do that would help. And we are also very physically affectionate all the time. (I’ve wondered if it would help if we weren’t, then maybe he would long for my touch.) I just don’t know what I should do for him, I know he (sometimes) feels as frustrated as I do. I’m not a man, and he seems as much at a loss as I am for why things don’t always work the way they should. How can I encourage my husband and be his helpmeet???

P.S. I would love to get some counseling on this. Up to this point I have never so much as hinted to anyone in the world anything about our sex life. (But I feel ok posting this because it’s completely anonymous) I’ve not mentioned the idea of seeking counsel to my hubby, and I don’t even know who we could go to. But is that something you would recommend? Or would it just make hubby feel disrespected and like I’m trying to fix him?


Paul Byerly October 7, 2015 at 8:06 pm

@Blessed Wife – A number of thoughts for you on this.

Once the fear of not getting erect sets in, it can become self-propagating. Fear is an erection killer, as is obsessive monitoring of sex, including how erect you are. Worrying about disappointing is also bad for erections.

Tired can limit erection more than sex drive in some men. When I was working long hours in the Texas heat there were times I really needed sex but struggled to get erect enough. Once Lori understood this she was able to work with it. Some men find tiredness means it’s easier to climax than to get erect.

If you want to help him with this, learn what to do between his ears as well as between his legs. Tell him you enjoy watching his penis change so he knows it’s not a desperate attempt on your part. Don’t rush to put an erection to work as soon as you have it, take your time. Show him you enjoy the journey.

A penis ring would be a good investment, if both of you are okay with it. Aside from physically helping with erection, it has a positive physiological effect. Put the ring on once he is partially erect and it will help him get fuller and harder. It will also help him stay erect better. Get a stretchy ring, and don’t use it for more than half an hour at a time.

You can also learn to give each other orgasms without him being fully erect. For him oral is a good way to go, and a vibrator will also work nicely. Manual can work too, just be sure to use plenty of lube. Or try pseudocourse – see the next to last paragraph here. With any of these don’t change what you’re doing if he becomes erect, just keep going. Teach him an erection is nice, but not necessary.

Depending on him and how the two of you connect and talk, you can try these things on the spot or discuss them ahead of time. Don’t make it seem you are complaining, but rather tell him you want to make sex better and more frequent for him. Tell him you now understand erections are not always good predictors of arousal, and if he tells you he is interested you will take his work for it and do whatever it takes for both of you to enjoy sex.

Bottom line: He says he finds you sexy and wants to have sex with you. Take him at his word and do what you can to make it happen. He’s given you the direction he wants to go, so go for it.

You have our prayers!
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libl October 8, 2015 at 2:54 am

Couples shouldn’t avoid sex because either he can’t always get or stay erect, or she can’t be penetrated. There are many ways to sexually connect! As Paul said, oral, vibes…there’s manual, and what I call outercourse (where the man thrusts between her clenched thighs or across her vulva rather than inside her vagina.) And whatever happened to good old fashioned making out? I know as soon as sex was a green light (wedding night), my dh stopped making out with me. :-/ Bring it back in your marriage. Don’t expect his condition to change, but you may be in for a nice surprise.


Marlene October 8, 2015 at 7:28 pm

Thanks. I appreciate you matter of fact-ness in your writing.


Paul Byerly October 9, 2015 at 10:53 am

@Marlene – Thanks. Of course it gets me in trouble on occasion… ;-)
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Dan October 27, 2015 at 11:43 am

I’m just leasing mine from my wife with a purchase option. ;)
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