This is not about you hating his sex drive; it’s about him hating it.
Lori and I like to do a switched ask-me-anything in small gatherings. We have the husbands and wives go to separate rooms. Lori starts with the women, I talk with the men. Then we switch; the women ask me anything, and the men ask Lori. It’s fun, challenging, and it helps us understand what couples are dealing with.
Recently when I was being grilled by a group of women, one asked me if going a while without sex is really as bad as men make it out to be. I tried to express the reality fairly and accurately, saying many of the things I’ve said here about this issue.
Then I surprised the ladies by saying a lot of men hate their sexuality. I said many of us think of it as the monkey on our back and we wish we could just turn it off at times.
When sex was a huge problem for Lori and me, I’d have given anything to turn my sex drive off for a few months. Less frustration for me, less pain for her. Other times when I’d like to be able to pull the plug are when I’m dead tired but know I will have a difficult time sleeping without sexual release, when I’m stupid busy and don’t want to take the time for sex, and when sex is a major mental distraction.
Several times a year I hear from a man asking if I know of some hormone or herb to safely reduce or eliminate sex drive. I’ve even had a couple of men ask me if I know a doctor who will castrate them. Yes, really. Granted these are the extreme situations, and usually come from men in sexless or near sexless marriages, but still!
Mostly what I want you to understand in all this is his sex drive can be a problem for him too. You can make it easier or more difficult for him, but it’s not your fault.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I am so deeply blessed my wife accepts my sexuality.