Holding Pattern Marriage

January 11, 2016

in Uncategorized

Lori was talking with me about a woman she’s in contact with. Her marriage isn’t bad, but it’s not good either. Her husband is emotionally unavailable, and despite several years of trying to fix things change is painfully slow. Lori said the woman was not giving up on her marriage. She has come to realise her guy has some big issues preventing him from dealing with their marriage problems. In the past, this woman was desperate to see things fixed ASAP. As she has worked on her own stuff she has been able to take a longer view of things. Her situation hasn’t changed, but she’s now better able to wait.

This woman is in a holding pattern, like a plane circling an airport waiting to land. A pilot can’t get on the ground any faster by yelling at ground control or flying faster. The delay is not on his end, and he can do nothing about it. As frustrating as the situation is, calm and patience are the best options. Short of telling ground control he’s about to run out of fuel and is coming down with or without permission, the pilot is stuck.

Plane flying  © ffly | dollarphotoclub.com

Are you in a holding pattern marriage? Calm and patience may be your best option. If you’re running low on fuel I think you need to make it clear a crash is imminent, but otherwise waiting for him to get through his stuff may be the way to go.

Let me be clear I’m not talking about marriages where there’s abuse here. Neither am I talking about men who are dangerous to themselves or anyone else. This is for women married to decent guys who just are not stepping up the way they should. He’s not a bad husband, but neither is he a good one. He’s got problems all his own he needs to deal with, and he has some awareness of this reality.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I praying for you.

Links may be monetised
Image Credit: © ffly | dollarphotoclub.com

Shop AmazonShop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

libl January 11, 2016 at 11:09 am

I’m waiting/not waiting. I say that because I don’t know if he will ever work through his stuff and clean up his messes. So, I move on best I can, but I also wait. I wait in hope because, ya know, he just might come around.

I can’t circle the airport my whole life, especially not knowing. Instead, I am docked and fueled up nearby while I get on with my life within our marriage boundaries.


Paul Byerly January 12, 2016 at 6:47 pm

@libl – I hear you. So sorry.
Paul Byerly recently posted…What it Means to Be a ManMy Profile


Jennifer January 12, 2016 at 5:44 pm

Thank you for your encouragement. Nothing is impossible with God. I have been working on me. Daddy God is awesome! He fills the needs that no one else can. When I lose a little hope, I cry and talk to a special older lady in the faith and get built up again.

Libl, don’t lose that hope. Just like “Sacred Marriage” says, marriage is to make us holy…enjoy the journey.


Jerry Stumpf January 14, 2016 at 12:19 pm

Sometimes a third party the husband respects can have a positive impact on the relationship.

Its like having a co-pilot to show how to guide the marriage into a more productive pattern. You might have to seek out such a person whom your husband (or wife) can trust.

Have you noticed the “process” of I Peter 3:1 – 6. Your husband may be a believer but here is a sound method to “turn his head”.
Jerry Stumpf recently posted…Incredibly easy ideas to put Sizzle Back in your marriage datesMy Profile


Sheila February 27, 2016 at 3:48 pm

This is a perfect chlalenge for me this year! My hubby and I work from home together. This is new for us, because our first 26 years of marriage was the typical one where he would go away all day and I would be at home. Now we’re together all-the-time. All the time. All. The. Time.I’m having the problem of appreciating him because we see so much of each other. (Sounds odd. I know.) It’s not so much about complaining, as it is just plain not noticing I need to refocus and notice. Take note. And then be vocal about how much I appreciate him and what he does.Thanks for the boost-Onward into the year!


Paul Byerly February 28, 2016 at 6:20 am

@Sheila – Familiarity can breed indifference. Good for you for seeing what’s happening and working to change it.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Seeing Our Areas of TemptationMy Profile


Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: