Begging For Thanks

January 20, 2016

in Uncategorized

The other day I caught myself telling Lori about something I’d done because I wanted her thanks. I became aware of this because I didn’t get the thanks I was looking for. Instead, I got minor irritation for interrupting the thought based thing she was doing.

As I’ve said before I’m the talkative one in our marriage. That makes me more like most of you, and lovely Lori more like your husbands. So I feel your frustration while she sympathises with your man.

As for fishing for thanks, I think men and women both do it. We do it because we are feeling down or neglected. Our spouse may or may not have anything to do with the feelings leading us to seek thanks.

Two suggestions:

  1. If you catch yourself seeking thanks, ask yourself why. There’s nothing wrong with wanting our spouse to appreciate us, but understand why and when we crave appreciate is good for us and our marriages.
  2. If you catch your hubby seeking thanks, give it to him. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, with a bit of XX brain mixed in.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Lynn January 21, 2016 at 11:25 am

A couple of weeks ago, my husband was trying to find an analogy, and he used this: “Like when you sometimes don’t fill up the Keurig after you use it and I have to fill it, I could be annoyed, but…” and I smiled sweetly and thanked him for all the little things he does, when I could have pointed out the 100 things I do, unnoticed, to make his life better. But where would that get me? I’m also now scrupulously careful to refill the Keurig, even if I’m late for work…


IntimacySeeker January 22, 2016 at 1:49 pm

I find that texting throughout the day provides many opportunities to express thanks. My hubby tends to share each accomplishment as his day progresses and I respond with affirmative replies. Used to be I’d get the whole list at the end of the day when I was too tired to hear him, let alone respond well. This way, when I arrive at home after work, the list has been shared and the thanks have been delivered, so I can relax. A win-win! Plus I’ve built the habit of thanking him throughout the day, so sometimes I offer thanks with being prompted.


Paul Byerly January 23, 2016 at 7:35 am

@IntimacySeeker – Never thought of it, but this is brilliant!
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