At the Authentic Intimacy Conference I attended, Linda and Juli talked about the need for honesty without anger. They also suggested women have a bigger problem with this than men (don’t shoot the messenger!)
I can understand why women would be more given to this. Anger is powerful, and it makes us look and feel strong and sure of ourselves. If you think you’re likely to be ignored, anger seems like a good tactic. Given how often men discount women, I get why anger becomes almost automatic. Besides, it works, and we usually keep doing what works.
Or course, “it works” doesn’t make it right. Or godly, loving, or kind.
If this is you, make a real effort to change. When you slip into the old habit stop yourself. If you do it and walk away, do the hard thing and go back to apologise. After you get fairly good at honesty without anger, see if it’s working better than with anger. If it’s not, have a discussion with hubby – tell him what you’ve been doing and explain it seems to be putting you at a disadvantage. Ask him if he likes you being honest without being angry and suggest he needs to respond well to it.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and while I respond to anger, it doesn’t make me feel loved or loving.
Keep Hitting the Amazon Link: January was the first time we passed $200 in affiliate payments for a month other than December. Lori said, “That’s a lot of diesel”, and she’s right; that will allow us to go 1,200 to 1,500 miles depending on where we are when we buy fuel. Using the link doesn’t change your price, but we get a bit of affiliate link kickback. The link can be found at the bottom of every post.
Speaking of Amazon, here are a few books by Linda and Juli:
25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy – by Juli Dr. Slattery
Clear no punches pulled answers to hard questions about love, sex, and intimacy. “What if I don’t like sex? : Is ______ok in the bedroom? : How do I get past my shame? : What if I want sex more than my husband does?”
Also on Kindle
Surprised by the Healer: Embracing Hope for Your Broken Story – by Linda Dillow and Dr. Juli Slattery
Stories from women who have found healing from Jehovah Rapha, the God Who Heals. This book packs the power of story, providing encouragement and examples to follow. Includes a ten-week study.
Also on Kindle