Recently we talked with a youth group about dating and sex. They ranged in age from 13 to 19, with the boys as a whole younger than the girls. After a bit of discussion with the whole group, we broke by gender, along with the couple who lead the group.
Among the things the boys said, two stood out to me.
Her Personality Makes Her Ugly
This was volunteered by a young man. We were discussing what makes a girl attractive, and someone talked about the good looking girl who messes it up when she starts to talk and reveals who she is on the inside. Several of the other boys agreed with him that personality could make an otherwise great looking girl seem ugly.
Please understand these were teenage boys deep in the grip of testosterone and a decade from having a fully developed frontal lobe. Even in this place, they understand what’s on the inside is far more important than how the package looks.
In the same way personality can make a beautiful woman ugly, it can make the plainest looking woman beautiful.
In an attempt to spur some discussion, I mentioned my dislike for giggling when I was dating. None of the guys there minded giggling, but one of them commented on how much he hated crying. Most of them felt girls cry to get their way, and one fellow said, “Girls manipulate.” That brought the biggest round of agreement of anything said that night.
I know not all crying is manipulative, and I explained that to the guys. But I do recall how common it is for teenage girls to try to get their way by various forms of manipulation. I understand why this is so; aside from usually working, some girls feel it’s the only way to get what they want.
Just as most boys mature as they become men, most girls mature as they become women. Unfortunately, there are exceptions for both genders, and manipulation is a common tool used by women who haven’t matured as much emotionally as they have physically.
If teenage boys recognise manipulation, you can bet adult men know it when they see it. You can also bet they dislike it even more than the boys. Some accept it as inevitable, others live with it because they’re unwilling to do what they would need to do to give their wife a reason to change. Regardless, no man likes it, and it limits the couple’s marriage significantly.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I am SO GLAD I’m not a teenage boy!