Last week we left the RV (and computers) in Austin and drove to Colorado Springs. We have just finished attending The Restoration of the Heart, a conference done by John Eldredge and Dan Allender. Next weekend we will be speaking here. So, this week I am running the three most read posts during 2015. Not the best of 2015, the posts with the most reads during the year. Enjoy!
By the way, about a third of my posts are directly about sex. However, I had to go to the 26th most read post to find one not about sex.
#3: Near Daily Sex
I’m pleasantly surprised this post made the top three. Since I wrote this I head my friend J. Parker of Hot, Holy & Humorous us the phrase “Sex more days than not.” I like that a lot!
Based on the title, I suspect you’re either thinking “I wish” or “no way”. If it’s the latter, please hear me out – it could make a big difference in your marriage.
What does Near Daily Sex mean?
- It means both of you are intentional about having sex most days.
- It means you’re not rigid or legalistic about it – life happens, and some days sex won’t happen.
- It means a fairly wide definition of “sex”.
The last of those is critical for this to work. If you have the time for an hour of love making every day, more power to you – most folks are far too busy. Sex can be anything from most of Saturday afternoon, to a quickie, to you do something to him in the shower. It can (and should) mean climax for both of you when you so desire, but it can also be just for him if you’re not particularly interested. This is actually a sticking point for some men because they get weird about sex just for them. If you run into this explain you enjoy sex in many ways, and orgasm is not always required.
Why would you want to try to have sex of some sort most days?
- It takes the pressure off the higher drive spouse. No worrying about having sex; there’s enough that an occasional missed day is no big deal.
- It also takes the pressure off the lower drive spouse because the bar has been lowered with regards to what qualifies as sex. The lower drive spouse can “meet the requirement” far more easily and without fear of complaints.
- The lower drive spouse is free to decide they want more as any sex act progresses.
- There is far less pressure for the sex to be great. If it’s mediocre today it’s okay, because it won’t be days and days before you do it again.
- There is less mediocre sex because practice does make perfect – or at least much better.
- Some women find being sexual daily (with or without climax) makes them more interested in sex and able to climax more easily and more powerfully when they choose to do so.
- It’s good for your marriage. All other things being equal, couples who have more sex have better marriages. (Study after study shows this.)
- It’s great for mental, emotional and physical health (see here and here for example).
- He can slow down and give more attention to her pleasure. A lack of sex causes a man to get tunnel vision about his orgasm. When sex happens almost daily he is able to focus more on his wife.
- Better sleep! Aside from the fact sex relaxes us, any bedtime habit makes sleep easier. If you have sex most nights you’ll likely find yourself falling asleep faster and sleeping better.
I realise this is a scary precedent to set, but it could make a huge difference in your marriage. Odds are you stand to gain far more than you could lose.
And Yes: I know some of you have the higher sex drive in your marriage. All of the above still applies. I also know some of you can’t imagine sex without climax – I’m not suggesting you try that if you have no interest.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I know a lot of men will read this and think “I wish!”