A couple of weeks ago the latch on the RV door broke. I got it fixed and realised it now closed much easier. I was concerned we would break it again by closing it hard out of habit. So of course, I said to Lori “You need to be careful not to slam the door.” I hope I said it nicely, but I suspect it sounded a bit cranky.
So why the unnecessary harshness? I was saying to her what I felt I needed to hear. I’m very much a creature of habit, and I knew it was going to be difficult for me to not close the door the way I’d been doing for months. I put my difficulty on Lori and then treated her as if she was going to be as hard to change as I would be.
A better choice would have been to explain the situation and then ask Lori to try to help me not slam the door. She gets the message, and I get the extra focus on thinking about it I needed.
If your husband has a habit of being harsher than necessary, he might just be talking to you the way he talks to himself.