Is Sex 50% for Him?

April 8, 2016

in Uncategorized

In a comment left almost a year ago, Alan said the following:

I told my wife once that sex was 50% of everything. Do the math now. If Wife and I connect sexually, both are satisfied, 50% done. Add now, food (survival) let’s say 20%. Add money, another 20%. Then add emotional stuff 10%. Mess with the numbers at will, but not the 50% sex. Well-being is 100% when we are emotionally/physically doing well.

Now remove sex altogether. -50% to start. Add lack of money and good food and emotions are bad due to family stress issues or long work hours etc. that 50% would be more like 25%.

So on a bad day I am 25% then wife and I get together sexually, twice per week, we add 50% (sex) to our already 25% which equals 75%…not bad! We can make it!

Remove sex in which the wife is indifferent and accusatory; -50% plus 25% you get 25%. Which equals depression, lack of marital vision, temptation and boredom in the marriage.

If that upsets or depresses you, hang on a second.

50%  © md3d |

I would bet Alan feels sexually starved, or, at least, malnourished. When an important need isn’t being met well it becomes more critical in our minds, while everything else becomes less important. For example, if you really, really have to pee, pretty much everything else becomes less important, and finding a restroom becomes your top priorities in life.

Alan is correct in that sex makes everything better for most men. A bad day plus sex is an okay day. A bad day without sex is a very bad day. A bad day and no sex for a week is a horrible day.

When a man’s sexual needs are being met well, sex is not 50%. I’d say it’s less than 20% for most men. When sex is a problem, it becomes much too big a percentage of the whole.

By the way: This same principle is true for you. There are things which are very important, and they become huge if  ignored or short-changed. Perhaps this idea could be used to help your husband understand a few of your strongest needs. He may not agree that for you three days without conversation is like a week without sex for him, but it will, at least, give him something to think about.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want to know how to give my wife what she most needs.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Me April 8, 2016 at 4:39 am

I can understand what you’re saying. And you’re right, it does work the same for women, sometimes in a combination effect. My numbers may be off, but let’s say the need to feel pursued, desired, and loved (especially loved) for a woman is 50%. Let’s say she has read how important sex is to a man, how sex is how he shows love, but she has a husband that would rather sleep, or stress out about stuff. So now she is not having her main needs met, so she’s down to 50%. Then take away her need for sex, which is also real and not being met, so now she’s down to 30%. Pile on the attacks of the world and the stresses of her day with no one to talk to, and you are left with 10% of a woman.

Is it any wonder she feels like she is a waste of space? Is it any wonder she cannot fathom why he says “I love you” when everything he does screams “he couldn’t possibly love you?”


Paul Byerly April 8, 2016 at 8:43 am

@Me – It’s difficult when our spouse does not fit the stereotypes. Someone must be wrong, and if it’s not them, it’s me.
Maybe he’s different and you’re different and you are the perfect wife FOR HIM.
I’d say forget about things that don’t fit your marriage and find what does work.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Friday Flashback: That’s How God Made MeMy Profile


Hiswifeagain April 8, 2016 at 5:16 am

I agree that we are less focused on needs when they are being met regularly, but how did he arrive at 50%? Is that individual to him? Also 50% of what exactly?

I am subscribed to all the comments on The Generous Husband, but can’t find any link to subscribe to all the comments here. Can you post a link?



Paul Byerly April 8, 2016 at 8:51 am

@Hiswifeagain – I think he’s saying it’s half of what makes him feel good or bad. Give him enough sex and he’s half way to a great marriage no matter what else is or is not happening. Give him everything else and no sex, and he’s only got half.
It’s how he feels, so for him it’s reality. But I’m betting he’s got it skewed because sex is a problem in his marriage. If he got all the sex he wants he would soon find it’s not half.

For comments try
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Hiswifeagain April 9, 2016 at 11:24 am

Thanks, Paul :)


Kay April 8, 2016 at 8:01 am

I don’t remember where I was told this, but I remember hearing “When sex is good, it is 10% of a marriage; when sex is bad, it is 90%.” That fits in with the Report Card idea that Curmudgeonly Librarian posted on recently, that a wife could be getting an A in every area of marriage but if sex is an F, the whole marriage is an F for the man whose sexual needs are going unmet. And many women unfortunately average it differently, where the same Report Card means their marriage is at about a B, which feels pretty good, all things considered. I find his stance interesting, that these men say how much they have a wonderful wife, but the fact is they are still miserable in their marriage when such a huge need goes unmet.


Paul Byerly April 8, 2016 at 8:52 am

@Kay – I’ve heard that too. And yes, CL’s report card was excellent.
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El Fury April 19, 2016 at 9:55 am

It’s possible that sex is more important to some women than they realize on a conscious level, and other forms of intimacy are more important to some men than they realize.
El Fury recently posted…Where Does the Term “Blow Job” Come From?My Profile


Jolie April 26, 2016 at 6:07 pm

Sleep is more than 50% for me.
After working several years of graveyard shift and raising and nursing a couple of kids, sleep is actually 75% for me. I’ve had years of zombie mode living. When I don’t get sleep, everything else in my life malfunctions.

I wonder if hubby would understand one night without sleep is like one week without sex for him?


Paul Byerly April 27, 2016 at 8:06 am

@Jolie “I wonder if hubby would understand one night without sleep is like one week without sex for him?”
Only a week?
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